Rose tinted glasses

Found & lost

2011-10-28T09:48:00.001-07:00

This particular pet shop we never been into.... until a few days ago. I felt strongly compelled to go there and made two rounds just to find a parking spot. Thought of buying treats for doggie.

Then just before entering, I heard a gasp from my sis. And what I half- feared came true. There was a lost poster up of doggie. It's good to know and find his owner, for sure. We tried finding the owner for more than 2 months.

I'll just miss him loads.

He brings a certain sense of calm to my daily routine. Like I could be upset about something/anything n then he brings a smile to my face with his funny ass dance and run around grabbing bone games.

I'll miss coming home early or even past 2am and still taking him out for a walk before bed. Definitely therapeutic for me... Dunno about doggie.

<3

Whoever said that thing about not giving the dog a name so we would have no attachments? So NOT true. :(

End of the road

2011-10-06T09:04:00.001-07:00

Yup. We're here now. We've arrived at the end of the road. We pause, reflect, choose and take the step to the left.

I'll never forget you but I need to forge ahead.

If fate is US.... together.... you and I, then we shall get together one day.

If that day comes, it'll be fabulous. 

If not, we'll always have the great memories. Right? 



Altruistic

2011-09-19T01:34:00.001-07:00

Unselfishly.

Hmm... One new word a day....

Worth the effort

2011-09-17T02:26:00.001-07:00

Surely one learns from past experiences? Why make the same mistakes time and time again?

Doing the same things provides the same results.

Step to the left and choose.

Yes, indeed.

Simple and uncomplicated

2011-09-16T10:43:00.001-07:00

Doggie makes me feel calm. All he needs is some loving. He doesn't bark. Just loves being rubbed and served fresh water. Simple and uncomplicated.

Took him for two walks today. Nice.

I wake up in the morning excited cuz he excitedly greets me near the main door. What a great way to start my day! ;)

Our temporary dog

2011-09-16T00:56:00.001-07:00

His eyes seem full of wisdom with a hint of sadness even. He makes me smile as he does this super funny dance when I come home.

I will not look forward to the day we find your owner... I will just enjoy having you around now. ;)

Short fuse

2011-09-14T21:32:00.001-07:00

I must try to be more patient, not get irritated or upset too fast. It makes me feel horrible after. Sigh.

Breathe in, breathe out. Let go.

Letting go

2011-09-13T09:11:00.001-07:00

It's a constant thing, isn't it?

Everyday I remind myself to let go... And I do ok most of the time.

:)

Life in stages

2011-03-17T09:30:00.001-07:00

For some time now, i realise i am on 'retreat' mode. I spend more and more time alone. Time out is mostly only for work.

No, it's not that i'm giving up. I am merely focusing on ME.

I will be back. Soon enough. :)

Smile.... even if your heart is aching

2011-02-28T07:58:00.001-08:00

Smile....what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile.

;D

Blues

2011-02-27T06:34:00.001-08:00

I rarely let myself feel down for long. Today, i am just feeling a little sad. Been thinking about stuff. Maybe need to think less of the past and more of the NOW.

It's what i do most of the time. Just not right now.

Oh well.. I may need to plan a getaway.

Been a long time..

2010-02-08T22:18:00.000-08:00

Wow.....2010 is here and i have been lazy.

Let's see.....since my last post, i have had a minor surgery on my back. Took about a month off work in November, went to USA in October. Actually, come to think of it, i had a lovely 2009. USA was superb. I enjoyed it. Too much, maybe. :D

I will write my US experience soon.

Right now, i am back to being L-A-Z-Y. *peace*

NUMB

2010-01-07T06:41:00.000-08:00

Just another four letter word.

Choosing to move forward with great memories

2009-07-18T08:24:00.000-07:00

Do you sometimes have the feeling you are paying for past mistakes? They were mistakes for sure....thing you went through when you were younger and stupid. Now i am just stupid. :)

Sometimes i wonder when will it be over? I feel soon, i hope real sooooon.

I hate having regrets and i always try not to have them. So sometimes, i do things that are a little crazy and somewhat embarassing. But hey, i did what i felt was right at the moment. It may be right, it may be wrong. At the time, it felt RIGHT. :)

I have written about a certain friend throughout my blog (right from the beginning until recently), and i will try to stop doing that soon enough. I guess i have had many things i wanted to tell him about but didn't have the opportunity to do so. It is also funny when i try to forget him, get him out of my mind...and everything about him pops in sight. Even my holiday last weekend, the tour guide we had for the day reminded me of him! Same playful, smooth manner and even the same damn hat! Sigh.

We had some great times --- he and i. Memories i will cherish for a long time to come. Memories that make me smile and feel warm, and sometimes gets me all teared up. It's like we didn't get to explore US, we may have advanced 4 steps ahead without going through the basics of a relationship. In a way, we knew things about each other not the normal route/way. Either way, i am sure it was for a reason. Right?

There was once i was hanging out at his place. Both of us lying on the floor infront of his tv....he was watching his football match, i promise to accompany him eventho i am not much of a football fan. We sorta teased each other about having an 'exciting half time'. The moment they went into half time, we immediately started making out. As always, it was very hot and i have always loved our kisses. Perfect. Just like how it was each time. Love it.

He has asked a few times to go 'all the way', and i couldn't bring myself to say YES, no matter how much i wanted to. You see, i like this guy. A LOT. A LOTTT. There were just things/issues i had to clear before finally having sex with him. I was at the time seeing someone else but not really in a relationship and so was he! And man, it was super hard saying NO each time. I had to say things like "no...i am not ready...next time...., etc". :(

I mean, i have been in a relationship where my ex 'bf' was a married man. He forgot to mention that to me about his real status. He lied and i was stupid and naive to believe him then and we were 'in a relationship' for a very long time. And i was even more stupid to continue on for a while after i found out the truth, convinced i was in love with him. Stupid, i know. How i found out was another long dramatic story, which i rather not talk about anymore.

So u see, i have played 'the other woman' role and it sucked big time. Each time, i felt a sense of loss and disrespect for myself. It was very draining and such a bad feeling. It took such a long for me to get over it and forgive myself for my stupid actions. So the last thing i wanted was to be in that situation again. And especially not with him --- i think i liked him wayyy too much to do that.

I never had the chance to explain myself. I hope he doesn't assume i am/was not interested in him. But i have delayed my explanations for toooooo long, and now i think it is too late.

Isn't it sad when you meet someone you would love to explore and learn more about, but timing was not right at the moment? I know they say if it is fated it will happen eventually... (yes, i have read 'He's just not that into you.... grr)

Until then, i shall not wait and wonder. And just hope for the best. So here i am ---> dignity intact but somewhat alone. :) I just have to believe in myself again, i guess.

To the left, to the left...

Mild Sciatica?

2009-07-03T08:53:00.000-07:00

So i have been having bad back pain for over 7 months now. There are good days and there are not-so good days.

Went to 3 doctors and most i get are muscle relaxants and pain killers. I avoid the pain killers cuz i can stand the pain but one doc also gave me nerve vitamins. Anyway, it didn't get all better and i think it got worse the past 2 weeks esp after driving 1000 km in 2 days. My granduncle passed away last Thursday and i drove my family up to Penang and then sent my parents back to Seremban. Since then, my whole right leg and back has had permanent tingling/pins and needles and my fourth and fifth toes are kinda numb. :S

Anyway, i finally gathered the courage to go see a doc today. And since it's my second time seeing him, and my condition has not improved and maybe even worsen, he had written me a referral letter to see an orthopaedic (specialist) to get my spine scanned. It all sounds rather scary to me. Sigh.

Oh well, there is nothing else i can do now....but will wait till Monday to see what HR has to say or suggest. Sleeping is uncomfortable nowadays. I hope it isn't anything too serious. :S

Goodnight.....

Blogging hiatus

2009-06-22T03:12:00.000-07:00

Many a times i think of blogging here about what's on my mind, etc....but i either find excuses or something else to do. Somehow i feel restrained from blogging how i truly feel right now. It's difficult to put words to these feelings i am experiencing. So what do i do? I focus out. :)

Anyway, isn't it funny (OF COURSE NOT!) when the person you want to forget keeps appearing everywhere? Same cars everywhere, same bloody names and even in my dreams! Seriously.... sheshhh.

There are good days and not-so-good days. Today is one of the not-so-good days. I hope he is happy and content. My J.

I just miss him very very much. Just today....

To make you feel my love

2009-02-13T06:50:00.000-08:00

You know the feeling you feel there's still to much you really wanna tell someone, but....well....at the moment, i am absolutely IN LOVE with so many songs. Songs that seem to know what i am so feeling right now.

One of the good things about living far away from my work place is the fact that i can enjoy good music in my car while driving home. When i used to live 5 minutes away from my office, it would take me a few songs and a stick of cig to get me home. Now...better not count. :D

One of my fave songs now... Awww...

MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE - by Adele

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong

I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love

My random 25

2009-02-12T02:49:00.000-08:00

1) Some years ago I called up the radio station (traffic phone ranger) telling them that I see a horse (yes, an actual full grown horse!) galloping towards my car along the road to Hartamas (near KLGCC). I kid you not!!!! I was in my cute little Kelisa then. Pretty scary shit! Perhaps the horse thought it was heading for ‘greener pastures’. Instead it headed towards the flyover to Kerinchi Link.

2) I am stubborn. Very stubborn. Apparently since really young…surprise! Surprise! When I was 5, my parents paid the whole year fees for a private kindergarten in Port Dickson. After a week, I refused to go there as I was so bored colouring my days away. I then joined the almost-free Kemas kindergarten and had a blast! J

3) 85% of my clothes are black. Ok, maybe 91.5%. Surprised? And that ONE day I wear a white floral dress, I got my period and stained it. What is the universe telling me, right??? Seriously.

4) I am told repeatedly to just smile, lift my shoulders, look down shyly and shuddup when ppl try to flirt with me. Apparently, I am not so good at flirting back/comebacks. Once a kinda cute guy I was checking out at the club came up to me holding a glass of water and asked if he could flirt with me the next time we meet. To which I replied: “Drink your water lah!” What can I say? Sigh.

5) I learnt many years ago to always wear presentable, nice panties. No more hole-y ones, I say! Why? It was during a team building session with my LP7 team. After doing the whole works – climbing the pole, flying fox, over the wall – I then realised the ‘cool’ feeling was from my fully torn track bottom. Goodbye comfy, hole-y panties! :S

6) My close friends say I am commitment phobic. Perhaps I am. I am working on it, a constant WIP.

7) I am a pervert…...There, I’ve said it.

8) A curious child à Or so I was called by a good friend. Well, curiousity killed the damn cat! I was so curious, I went to watch an orgy once. WATCH, people….WATCH!!! Enuff said. End of the story. lips sealed

9) Once, I told my cute neighbour it was my birthday (it really wasn’t!) and he went back and baked a cake for me immediately. Man, did I feel real bad. People take me too seriously most of the time. Must be my poker face.

10) I reversed my then-new car and hit my ex-neighbour’s car. Twice. It is not my fault. I can’t help it if my car’s ass is too high. Baddd Proton! I guess it’s good I moved out 6 months ago. Blink

11) You know the escalators with signs telling u to not stand too close to the side and stand within the yellow box? Well, they didn’t have that till recently. I remember walking in Sunway Pyramid with my cousin wearing my favourite long Laura Ashley skirt. Stretchable material. It got stuck. Panic all around while I kept holding on to my skirt (kudos to Laura Ashley, it just kept stretching!), some guy pressed on the emergency button to stop the escalator…. After like forever, I managed to tear the bottom of my skirt. There was nothing else I could do. Sniff.

12) I can’t draw to save my life. I realised it when I was 12. I represented my school for a drawing competition (I shall reluctantly state that my godmother was our school principal then), so there I was at Chung Hwa with my new set of crayons. Real proud. Drew one house, one tree and a couple who were too big for their house. I then looked around and saw almost life-like drawings from other participants. I realised then and there. Pictionary, anyone?

13) So I smoke. But I have set the date, May 15, to quit smoking. Till then, so long suckerssss!!!

14) DNR – Do not resusitate. That’s my choice, as I’d rather die than live on life support machines. Am also a registered organ donor.

15) “It is better to regret something you have done, rather than to regret something you have NOT done” --- It’s my fave motto. But it has gotten me into trouble a few times, as well. But hey, it was worth the experience. Err no?

16) I hate durians – HATE. Used to be able to take 1-2 pieces. Stayed with orang asli @ Negeri Sembilan and it was during durian season. :S We had durian rice, durian soup, durian..durian…durian. And the not-so-private toilet was at the base of the waterfall. I did not DO IT for 4 days. (for perverts, IT meant shit)

17) Got seriously sunburnt while holidaying in Bali. It was seriously painful – I was dark red and burning with water bubbles!! My lovely non-supportive friends (you know who you are!!) had a field. I was walking real slowly towards the departure lounge at Ngurah Rai Airport, they walked past me, talking loudly while looking pointedly at me: “Ohmygod. Look at her. So terrible la!”. Hence the ‘virginic layer of skin’ tag from Mursh too. Note to self : Need to find me a new set of nice friends. Hmphh!

18) I always have three sets of different shampoo/conditioner in my bathroom. Need the variety. Can’t be using the same one over and over and over again. Right? blush

19) I had the BEST-ever, almost orgasmic green mango juice and cheese baked mussels in the Philippines. I will never, ever get over it. I plan to go there again..

20) When I turned 18, I realised could finally buy 4D. Bought 2808 and got RM118. Woo hooo! The excitement! Haven’t won much since tho…hmm.

21) I drove into Singapore once without the damn pass for my car. The customs officer told me to drive straight and turn left to buy the pass (like a permit to drive into Singapore). I drove straight INTO Woodlands, Singapore. Did not see the damn office. Drove out 2 days later and got fucked. Wasn’t so funny then.

22) I cry watching commercials. Esp those festive ones from Petronas, TM, etc. I cry watching inspiring people do inspiring stuff. I cry watching Oprah Winfrey. I. Cry. Period.

23) When I was 5 or 6, I swore my uncle was Kenny Rogers! I was 3000% sure and thought Uncle Eric from UK was his undercover name. They so looked alike, ok? I confronted him and even then, I was like 5000% sure. Well, he isn’t. Damn.

24) Got dengue yearss ago. It was hell. Thought I was gonna die…panicked. My eldest sister (very drama) created a big fuss, cried in her office and her boss let her off work before lunch. She went straight home and SLEPT. Sigh. She MAY HAVE visited me later that night. I don’t remember.

25) I try to live life by the rules, but sometimes rules suck! Ugh.

Boy, am I glad I have finally reached No.25. Would still want to appear mysterious. Can’t reveal everything all at once la. Just the tip of the iceberg, I say! :D

Stop dragging my heart around

2009-02-05T23:04:00.001-08:00

Awwww.... sniff

Uncle Hainanese

2009-01-29T20:05:00.000-08:00

Been wanting to write this post since a week ago. Since it's pretty quiet in the office (a.k.a still in holiday mode), finally here i am.

Last week, after an assignment, i decided to head to what 'this used to be my playground' Damansara Jaya for lunch. I realised i have not been to my fave Uncle Hainanese restaurant near Atria. It is not that the chicken rice there was the best...it was for old times sake and well, haven't spoken to 'uncle' for a loooong while.

The restaurant was the same. Well, almost. Been going there since i was 15,16. Uncle would always greet us with a big HELLO and warm smile. After a while, we went there out of loyalty. Last week, i entered and it was pure silence. I looked around and young guy came up to me to take my order. Unable to hold on to my thoughts, i had to ask him, "Where is uncle?" while getting ready for bad news. He said uncle has retired to look after his grandchild. What a relief!

I had my usual Hainanese chicken rice and taugeh, feeling all nostalgic about the place and knowing that it will never be the same. I doubt i'll be going there as often anymore. No more uncle.

Last year, i gave him some fruits and he gave me an angpow. Aww. And a few years back, when i went there during the fasting month, i remember him having a troubled look while taking my order. He then asked, "You tak puasa ah?". To which i answered," Uncle!! After all these years you think i am Malay??". Quite funny, really.

So that is the story of me and my uncle Hainanese. He's a good man and i hope the best for him - in health and happiness.

The end of another chapter. It is time to move on.... just like many other things in life.

The best way you know how

2009-01-05T05:40:00.000-08:00

Been reading this particular book and found some parts interesting......

In an age where the pursuit of happiness seems the only moral code, what do you do when your life falls short of your dreams? Is there wisdom to be learnt from the sacrifices commitment entails? Or is there something in the notion of compatibility that we tend to overlook?

Some thoughts that created ' wows' for me :

a) If you are going to BE with me, then BE with me. BE present. Be here and NOW and stop holding out for something better to come along because it never will. You're waiting for some flawless handsome stranger to come satisfy all your dreams but not your real life. It's an illusion for people who would nurture a romantic narcassism than love real flawed people like you and me. If only you would accept it, your ordinariness. Not every compromise is a resignation, you know, and it's not easy, it's the hardest thing in the world, but at some point you're gonna have to give yourself up or you'll spend the rest of your life alone - by Forster

b) Choosing monogamy is not, of course, choosing not to desire anyone other than one's partner; it is choosing not to do anything that violates one's idea of monogamy. Everyone flirts with their (mostly conscious) standards of fidelity. But one is only ever faithful to fidelity itself, never merely one's partner - Monogamy by Adam Philips

c) Marriage should be the protection of two solitudes - getting married doesn't have to deprive us of our freedom or independence. It'll just be something that makes us stronger. Going out into the world is just so much easier when you've got someone to come back to.

d) Love isn't something you can reason, but something inchoate, indescribable. Captured in the details that haunt a moment and linger on the body. Evaporate like steam when you try to hold on to them.

And the story continues......

All i got for Christmas is..... a new ass!

2009-01-01T08:29:00.000-08:00

So my holiday started on Dec 24, 2008. Had it all nicely planned - to go early to Seremban to hang out with my parents and brothers, etc. But come Dec 23 morning, as i was leaving One Utama after dropping off some books i was reviewing, a Citroen hit my car from the back. Sigh.

Anyway, to cut the long drama story short --- i got a new bumper. Spent the whole day sorting out the repairs + police reports, but drove to Seremban on Dec 24 with a new ass. :D

New Year's party this year was slightly tame compared to the past years...but all in good fun. Here's to a fabulous year ahead.....finding our bliss!!! Yeay!!!

Walking away...

2008-11-09T06:04:00.000-08:00

It is time to walk away and leave the past behind. It is time, indeed.
Where am i heading to? The unknown, really, but i am ready.
Bring it on!!!!!!!!

ENOUGH!

2008-11-06T23:21:00.001-08:00

I have paid my dues....twice over!
I think it is ENOUGH, or even more than i deserve. I have paid my dues.
Please just let me be.
I want to just BE.
Please. Please. Please

....how many times can i break till i shatter?...

Our hard drive??!???

2008-11-02T07:37:00.000-08:00

I went to watch one of Harith's show last year.

It was such a blast! He talked about how women's brains are full of folders (history from years and years ago) all nicely tucked in some corner and bloody 'packed' whereas men's brains are somewhat empty as they don't really bother with useless facts and incidents and their main focus is admiring beautiful women and food! I had such a laugh cuz it's soo true....

Funny thing is, my memory isn't too great either. Tho i admit to having some 'folders', i tend to remember the better memories. Or so i try... *fingers crossed*

So girls, let's just send the useless facts to the recycle bin and make loads of space for admiring beautiful men and making more great memories! *mischievious laugh*

Here's to making many, many more yummy memories......have fun!

VIrgo is me

2008-10-11T22:14:00.001-07:00

VIRGO - The Perfectionist
Dominant in relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Ha rsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic

I choose to be an adventurer, not a victim

2008-10-04T08:13:00.000-07:00

I wrote this post months ago....

Eleven minutes

That's all it takes, it seems. Or so Paulo Coelho says. Well, i am reading the book for the second time. *blush*

Maria is such a smart woman. I love her thoughts... and my FAVE quote is "I can choose to either be a victim of the world, or an adventurer in search of treasure. It is a question of how i view my life."

Other beautiful quotes from the book:

1) Love is not to be found in others, but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do so, we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with.

2) In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feeling and cannot blame someone else for what we feel. I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone.

The true experience of freedom : having the most important thing in the world without owning it.

3) I'm not a body with a soul. I'm a soul that has a visible part called the body.....

I need to write about love. I need to think and think and write and write about love - otherwise, my soul won't survive.

4) i can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It's a question of how i view my life.

5) Although my aim is to understand love, and although i suffer to think of the people to whom i gave my heart, I see that those who touched my heart failed to arouse my body, and those who aroused my body failed to touch my heart.

6) And if nothing belongs to me, then there's no point wasting my time looking after things that aren't mine; it's best to live as if today were the first (or last) day of my life.

Who?????

2008-10-01T05:21:00.000-07:00

I have always been particular (or least i'd like to think so) when it comes to spelling ppl's names. I mean, i really appreciate it when my name is spelt properly. Shows you how they took the time and effort to make sure it is spelt correctly.

I made a big boo boo (to my surprise, really!) in one of my articles some time ago..... poor dude i interviewed. Ong and i wrote it, and was therefore published, as Wong. I still feel bad about it till now. So horrible of me. Ugh. So now i am a lot more careful. :)

Anyway, my name has been wrongly spelt all sorts of ways but never...NEVER EVER this way! Ha ha ha.... so funny!

Ms. Lojlin

Breathtaking view

2008-10-01T05:19:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...... can you imagine the cool, crisp air first thing in the morning?

I absolutely LOVE this place! And it's only an hour awayyyy...

Estrella

2008-09-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

Went to work extra early on Friday. Amazing.
Came home, went for a swim.
Then bought my fave Ramlee burger and sat at the garden.
Looking up to the sky, i asked, "When will there be stars?"

Estrella = star

A piece of me

2008-09-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

Note : I wrote this in July 2008. Kept it as a draft all this while...

Feliz Cumpleanos! (Happy birthday!)

July 24 was my mummy’s birthday! She turned 65, but still looks REAL good for her age. Surely this is a great sign for moi, no? *fingers crossed* He he…

I had a lot of issues with my mum while growing up – most of the time I was verrry angry with her. Angry with her for what little memories I had when I was young, angry with her for leaving us twice, angry with her for what she did to my dad, angry with her for not letting us get to know her mother while she was alive, etc… the list is endless, really.

So, basically, I was a happy and busy child, but with lots of anger inside. I spent every day playing hockey and tennis and whatever that would keep away from home. There’s just so much I was feeling and mostly from what people told me, not what I remember. Actually I do not have much memories of childhood, which puzzles me. Weird.

Many things that happened would explain my fierce loyalty to my dad throughout my childhood till early adulthood. Moments when i wondered why he'd do that or put up with that? Or why did she do the things she did.... Now, i understand. I really, really do. Everyone sacrificed a part of themselves when they chose to commit. Anyways, this was my ‘light bulb’ moment quite recently. I do wish to remain a little mysterious so I choose not to go into much details here. Only a few of my real good friends know this.

Anyway, the reason I am bringing this up is because….… Time does pass super fast and I would like to share this. Hopefully, it will make a difference in any way.. no matter how small.

Few years ago, I had an epiphany. (i love this word - epiphany!)

Kids never think of their parents as anyone other than their parents. I used to think my dad knew ALL the answers to my questions. I could ask him any English word and he’d tell me the meaning almost immediately. Genius, I thought!

I expected them to be no one else but my parents – how parents should behave, focus attention only on work and children, buy our school supplies and uniforms, cook us dinner, us us us…all about us, etc. I think it’s a quite typical from any child.

Then as I grow older, I realize that parents are INDIVIDUALs first, and then they became parents (yet ANOTHER ‘light bulb moment’). We tend to forget that. We easily forget that they are individuals first before they became our parents. It’s easy to think that parents should behave in a certain way, work to provide us with support, food, education or whatever else just because they are our parents. And that’s it. Quite selfish, if you come to think about it, huh?

Everyone has a story to tell…… now that I understand them both a little better, I realised my wasted energy. Feeling angry for so long. I have learnt to ‘Live and let live’. And I look forward to spending time with my parents, and listen to their life experiences. Quite colourful, if I may add. Ha…

Since my ‘epiphany’, I have been sharing this thought of mine with many of my close friends. I think that we should just let them be, let them do what they want to do. As long as they’re doing what they wanna do and what makes them happy. My parents have been living apart for many years, though not divorced. They get along MUCH better apart.

I used to live with dad for many years, sometimes I felt like I was his 'wife'…. Looking out for him, making sure everything was ok. I have to admit I sometimes got irritated, wondering why do I have to do this instead of my own mother who is living in a different state. But the time spent is precious to me. We recently gave up the house we lived in for the past 15 years, he moved to Seremban while i am temporarily staying @ my sister's place before i decide on my next big move.

Funnily enough, now my parents are living ‘together’ – side by side (two separate houses) in Seremban. It’s quite amusing, really. I try to make it back one weekend every month and they get pretty ‘lively’ most of the time. More like arguing most of the time.

Even though I am the youngest in my family, I find myself being the moderator. One would complain about the other, and vice versa. And I have to ‘scold’ both of them. Seriously, I think they enjoy getting ‘told off’. Not in a rude way, of course. Kena slap la if rude!

And I love them both so much. And you know what? I would NOT change a single thing!

Longing for a getaway

2008-09-24T07:44:00.001-07:00

I miss this place.....

Sore ass

2008-09-20T06:47:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday night, 10.47pm.

It's been manyyyyyy years since i rode a bicycle and i was a bit unsteady at first. And man, did my ass hurt!!!! There really should be nicely padded, bigger bicycle seats. I mean, it's so necessary. I wonder how serious cyclists do it? Don't their balls get crushed or something??? Lucky i had a pad on (anticipating PMS) which was a sorta nice 'cushion' for my ve-jay-jay (as how Nazi on Grey's Anatomy calls it). *Blush*

It's been an exciting day Saturday. Went to Bukit Cahaya / Bukit Cerakah / Taman Pertanian Shah Alam. This outing was planned about 2 weeks ago and we went there around 7am. Yes, all excited especially when we experienced the cool, fresh air first thing in the morning.

Guess what? The park opens at 8.30am!!!!!!! Ha ha....

So after a walk around the car park, we decided to have breakfast first. At 8.30am, we got into the park and went in search to rent bicycles. It's quite amusing as you have a choice - new bikes or old bikes. New ones for RM5 + RM1 for every additional hour or RM3 + RM1 for each additional hour for old bikes. I, feeling kiasu, chose a new bike. Also cuz they seemed like higher, bigger bikes. :D

Anyway, after like 2 mins of pedalling, it seems like it's all uphill and the bicycles (tho categorised as new) aren't in a fantastic condition so it gets all weird so i ended up pushing my bike uphill (which was most of the time!). How excited i was each time we were going downhill. Getting on the bike and whoeeeeeee!!!!! So fast just to realise that my brakes weren't working too well either. Ha ha. I had to shout 'It'll be best if you can moveeeeee!!!'. So funny.

Overall, i think i cycled 40%, pushed the bicycle uphill 60% of the time. But it was all great fun! After about 8km, and having returned the bicycle, we were told that we took the 'Advance route'!!!!!!!!!! Ha ha...

Came home but was still feeling all adrenaline high and ready for MORE. So i went swimming around 12pm. Yes, real smart of me and as i rushed out, i did not put on any sunblock.

So here i am stretched out on the couch, tv watching me....red-cheeks, sore ass but happy. :D

I wish i took my camera with me. It would've been perfect.

Sights and Sounds - Censored

2008-09-18T09:19:00.000-07:00

I wrote a post on Sights and Sounds last April - about some friends who came from Austria filming 'Around the world in 80 days' for Euro'08.

The 'Singapore/Malaysia/Thailand/etc on their way to Hong Kong scene' is out.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH IT ON YOUTUBE!

Quite funny... Of course it is the short version for Austrian TV. I have the uncensored version with me. Ha ha ha!

Can't believe they used our 'Bollywood scene' where we 'reunited' near KL Tower!! Arghh..so short, so funny! Lucky nicely edited. Too bad it rained heavily that day, so the KL city view was blur and grey.

Letting go...

2008-09-18T07:47:00.000-07:00

Aww I miss my bed.....so so much.

The thought of most probably giving it away breaks my heart. But it is essential in my 'letting go' phase to move on. :)

I might be 'letting go' of all my material possessions by early next year. ALL. I have thought about it and i only want to keep ONE thing. My antique chest given to me by my dad - filled with my favourite lamps. That's all i need and it will be stored in my parent's house.

At least i have a picture to remember my lovely bed. And perhaps get another one (better quality) next time. Must remember to get real sturdy base in the future. Ha ha!

No attachments....

The Argentine MATE experience

2008-09-16T00:06:00.000-07:00

I went to Pejabat Pos Besar Shah Alam this morning to collect a parcel from Argentina.

I have not opened it yet but i know some of the content - a herbal 'mate' (pronounced as ma-te) and some photos from my host family in Resistencia, Chaco. I am too excited but i plan to go home and properly open it up later. The package had such a long trip here - almost 2 months - so i gotta give it the proper 'opening ceremony' it deserves. :)

Then i called my host parents this morning and spoke to them. My papa is going for an open heart surgery next Wed (24/9) so he's in Buenos Aires now. They treat me like their very own daughter. I spent one of the best years of my life there with them. Absolutely unforgettable experience - good and bad. My host parents have been staying in a hotel in Buenos Aires for more than 2 months. My spanish is rusty - i know the words but i just need to think for a while before i speak. Find the words properly so our conversation was kinda abrupt. Ha ha... i even managed to insert a Malay word in between. *blush* Anyway, they are such warm and loving people. They always cry when i call (so passionate and open with their feelings) and they make me wanna cry too. Sigh. I miss them so much.

Mate - reminds me of evenings spent with friends, family and neighbours in Argentina. Just sitting in a circle outside the house or anyone's porch.... you see, it's Argentina's national drink (and Paraguay, Uruguay too i believe). Some are soo addicted to it but the whole process is so meaningful. To me, it's like a fellowship or bonding session. I even read it on Wikipedia... friendship drink, they call it. It's perfect with a game of truco (trick). I have what they say a poker face, so i was pretty damn good at the truco card game! Ha...

Imagine this - sitting on the porch of your house or anyone's porch, the host will then fill a special mate copper/steel cup (i will take a pic of my mate set when i get the chance) with herbs (contains caffeine btw) and pours very hot water into it. A metal straw known as bombilla (its a straw cum sieve). The host has to drink at least once or twice to make sure the drink is clear (smooth) to be passed around. And since it's a kinda small mate cup, the host will fill hot water, pass to the next in the circle, the person drinks it up via bombilla and then passes back to the host. So on and so forth.... it's a beautiful tradition. I love it.

How does it taste like? It takes some getting used to. Quite bitter at first and i can almost guarantee you will burn your tongue -- cuz i did, MANY MANY times...

Some people even add sugar to it make it easier to drink but that would kinda lose the whole original experience. In the summer time, cuz its so damn hot you wanna just be naked, we drink it with cold cordial drinks - i think best with orange cordial!! It's an EVERYDAY, ALL DAY thing over there!

When i came back manyyyyyy years ago, i remember bringing back like two big packs of the herbs for mate - but it went stale cuz i could not find a mate partner here. :(

Would YOU be MY mate partner?

I've been burnt...

2008-09-15T23:57:00.000-07:00

Yes, it has happened again...but not as painful as the last time.

No, not my heart....my skin.

No one can hurt you when you do not let them in ---> this is MY choice for now tho one idiot (lovingly said, of course) has found himself almost in. Damn. Anyway, that's another topic but now i am talking about sunburn!

So i've been asked if i went off to some island for the weekend, etc.... i wish my story was a little bit more glamorous but err... i went swimming on Sat and Sun in the clubhouse 5 mins from where i live now. And that's my story! ha ha.... Thank God it isn't the serious burn - like the one i suffered after Bali.

So here i am red-faced and red chest -- lovely. I could take a pic, of course, but it might turn out bit porno-ish so let us refrain from that. This is a nice blog. :D

mar y sol ( means sea and sun!)

What a day.....

2008-09-09T08:57:00.000-07:00

Today, i was informed of a death of a friend. I am not close to her as i've only known her for a short time. But it was absolutely shocking nonetheless. You see, her brother found her body in her room and i was told she must've died more than 2 days ago as her body was decomposed.

Such news left me shaken for most of today - the shock of it all. Makes me realise (and reminded) that life is so precious. Do what you wanna do NOW. Never be too busy for anything. Make bloody time. Sigh.

So she has been on my mind the whole day since i found out. May her soul rest in peace. Lyn, you will always be remembered!

This evening, around 9pm, i left my house to drop my friend's laptop off (she left it in my car last Sat). So as i was heading to OUG, i stopped to fill petrol (warning and all). As i got off my car, i saw a lot of smoke coming out from my back tyre (on the right). Like A LOT of smoke and the inside of my sports rim was dark red all around. The petrol attendant and i panicked so i asked him for water. As he poured water(which took forever btw....cuz he had to get it from elsewhere!!), more smoke came out. I think i nearly cried. Some people came to look out of curiosity but you could see them hurrying away as tho they're expecting my car to explode or something. The amount of smoke was unbelievable.

Helpless and all, i called a few friends and felt better when i realised what went wrong. Cancelled my drive to OUG and came home.

Now just trying to calm myself before i sleep.

It's been a traumatising day. Sigh. Goodnight.

Another year...wiser?

2008-09-04T20:57:00.000-07:00

Yes, i have turned 30 since my last post --- and i have not turned another year wiser. :(

Still silly me... ha ha.

Top 5 - 'REAL smart' replies for come-ons.... yes, REALLY!

2008-08-15T01:06:00.000-07:00

Now that i'm almost turning 30, i think i can come up with MY TOP 5 comebacks from come-ons.

I don't usually react to flirts too 'smoothly' so among my friends, it's always a joke on how i reply to flirts/come-ons. *blush*

I will update this as it comes along - need to think carefully - but i might as well start from the most err 'memorable' one. :)

The lesson to learn is, apparently, (as my dearest friend has time and time again drilled into my head) is to SMILE and look down shyly when you have no response to flirts. DO NO OPEN YOUR BIG, SMART MOUTH AND COME UP REAL 'SMART' responses!!! *smart student*

Scenario UNO :

In a club, having drinks with some old, some new friends. This kinda cute guy (friend of a friend) comes up to me at the end of the night and talks to me while holding a glass of water (you know how we all hope that if we drink water before driving home, we'd appear (or smell and feel) less alcoholic!!)

DUDE : (after small talk) So, next time i meet you... can i flirt with you again?
SMOOTH ME : Eh, just drink your water la. (what can i say? I was caught off guard la. Sigh)

Scenario DOS :

Just having a pure innocent chat on what type of girl a friend was looking for....

DUDE : (starts caressing my hair and holding the back of my head softly) Actually someone like you, someone i'd get to know for say 2 years and then get married. Same hair length, cute smile, someone my mum would like....
SMOOTH ME : HA HA HA HA HA HA (laughs loudly non-stop and moved away ..... what was i supposed to say??????)

Scenario TRES:

I kinda joked that it was my birthday (i don't know why people always take me seriously! sigh), so my cute neighbour baked me a cake and came over to my house. It was soooo sweet of him...... but, err, he did not bake me another cake on my REAL birthday!! :( Sniff.

Scenario QUATRO

To be continued...

Oh, btw thanks to Allison for this pic! Ha ha..... *smart*

The Rose

2008-08-14T02:50:00.000-07:00

This song/lyrics gives me a warm feeling inside..... how about you?

Some say love .. it is a river that drowns the tender reed
Some say love…it is a razor that leads your soul to bleed
Some say love…it is a hunger, an endless aching need
I say love…it is a flower and you it’s only seed

It’s the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance
It’s the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance
It’s the one who won’t be taken, who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long
When you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow
Lies a seed that with the sun’s love
In the spring becomes a rose.

I swear i have been busy with work.....REALLY REALLY!!

2008-08-13T03:14:00.000-07:00

So through a friend in Facebook, i have found a new favourite site www.associatedcontent.com/articles

Been reading a lot of articles on relationship topics. Interesting.

No matter what happens....

2008-08-10T21:03:00.000-07:00

This is one of my fave quotes - found it while clearing my room. *melts*

"In this life, nothing good is truly lost. It stays part of a person, becomes part of their character.
So part of you goes everywhere with me. And part of me is yours, for ever."

Shanghai - SIGHTSEEING

2008-08-06T20:55:00.000-07:00

All excited cuz finally arrived at Yu Garden

Top : Michelle and i - so bloody crowded!

Bottom : Wai Fang and i
in Dino Beach Themepark
We were laughing cuz this looks more like an ad for

the Green Tea drink i'm holding. Damn hot! Damn thirsty!

Shanghai - FOOD!

2008-08-06T20:19:00.000-07:00

Came back last Sunday night.....
MY PEOPLE (back 'home') cheated me and tried to poison me. Sniff. Besides that, it was a real good trip.
We had superb dinners - usually took about 3 hours every night- with fab wine as company.
On our first night, we went to Xin Tian Di (translates for you non-Mandarin speaking people : Heaven on earth) a real nice Western-ish place with rows of restaurants, pubs, cafes, etc. Had dinner at Lawry's - had a big sign ' Best prime rib steak in the world' - well leave it to the Chinese to claim such a thing eh? Drama.
But yeah, it was darn tasty and they have this interesting spinning salad bowl. The waitresses would perform some kind of salad preparation infront of you. It was superb, crispy salad tho! And my darn prime ribs costs RMB460 (about RM228). Of course not having to pay for it makes it all just lovely! :D
We stayed at Shanghai Marriott Hotel Hongqiao - got upgraded to Executive Suites upon checking in. Supposedly the summer promotion! We KNOW it is because occupancy was real low. It was very hot and the usual smog.
Anyways, the second night we went to this lovely Shanghainese restaurant. It's actually one of the ex-premier's home. 3-storey house - beautiful, simple beautiful! Since our host is some bigtime businessman there, we got the VIP room on the top floor. Food was perfect, err the wine too! *hiccup* We had a 40-course dinner. Nearly died there.... and it seems it is normal for them to end the meal with sio long pau and rice to make sure ur stomach's full. Arghh.... Am not even gonna talk about how much it could possibly cost.

The dining room - ex-premier's home. Beautiful, no?

Yes, this pic was taken in the toilet of the ex-premier's home. So what? It's a lovely toilet. *blush*

For the third night, we went to this absolutely fabulous Jap restaurant - Shintoro. Serving Jap fusion cuisine, it was formerly a factory of some sort. So it's amazingly spacious - the moment we walked in, we were like 'WOW!' - such a big place and its not the usual Jap places we see here. Expensive, as well. Small portions and expensive. Once again, not paying for the meal so.... YESS la! All is lovely. Ha ha.

Shintoro Restaurant

The 'burning' memory

2008-07-30T01:22:00.000-07:00

THE PLACE : LEGIAN BALI YEAR : 2006
MY MISSION : To get a good tan.

MY ACCOMPLISHMENT : MAJOR SUN BURN - totally new, virginic skin. Very painful, if i may add.

All it took was 2 hours under the scorching sun and Banana Boat tan spray. I felt fine right after but about 3 hours later, i started feeling real hot and turning red. After the sunset cruise (pix), i went back to the hotel, filled the bathtub with cold water and soaked myself. After which, the bathroom was all steamed up! Can u imagine how hot i was????

My friend panicked cuz i did not answer her the whole 1.5 hours i was in the bathtub.

It was bad from there ..... it hurt to do anything - walk or anything else. I remember we were saying goodbye to our friends at the airport and i had to start walking first. When Jamie and Aida caught up with me, i was still not too far away. Walking was a pain.... skin full of water bubbles, itchy, etc.

I shall not explain further. Enough said. *ouch*

您能否讲普通话？

2008-07-28T23:41:00.000-07:00

Ha ha.... i tried searching for "English to Chinese free online translator" and i found Yahoo! Babel Fish.

So the title supposed to mean ' Can you speak Mandarin?', or at least that is what i asked to be translated la. :)

Well, i am off to Shanghai on Thursday, on a VERY early morning flight. It'll be my first time 'balik kampung'. Am excited about it! Yeayy!!

:)

Miami Ink

2008-07-25T01:03:00.001-07:00

I love watching it...seems like it's on almost every night?

So inspiring. I remember watching it for the first time at a friend's house. :) We both have a tattoo each, so i guess we thought we were all 'in the scene' and all. ha ha..

I think i am gonna get another soon..... i have found the spot. Hmm. And i think i have found the perfect butterfly even (not the typical type...)

Last night, one dude did a RIPPA on his stomach, honouring his cousin (a very close friend). Another guy did a potrait of his dead wife. She died at such a young age and she was beautiful. Beautiful smile.

It got me thinking - wouldn't it be great if people do it while everyone else is alive? I mean, it would be a definite WOW. Don't get me wrong...I mean, it is sweet 'in loving memory' and all....

I remember a guy did a potrait of his grandma (who was still alive but getting senile or something). Sweet.

Love it.

A walk in the park

2008-07-25T01:00:00.000-07:00

When I go for my morning walks alone at the Taman Tun park, I love the sense of peace, admiring the trees, plants, drains and slippery path while I walk. The seemingly fresh air 7 in the morning. Smiling at fellow walkers…well, some just look down and whiz pass.

It is also a time for me to check my thoughts, clear my mind. And when I reach a point where my legs begin to hurt or I can feel my tired feet, soaked top and the weights becoming too heavy and a uphill walk ahead, I sometimes wanna give up.

This is when I tell myself, this is like life…..You wanna give up now???? Then with a deep, determined breath I march on. All in my head, these early morning conversations. I hope someone understands me here. :s

Reaching the top, I feel a sense of triumph and pride. In my head, it’s like – yeah, it gets difficult sometimes, but u face it head on and you will get through it.

So that’s my every morning motivation. Some have asked why I do it alone? Of course company would be great but alone if fine as well. It’s a ‘ME’ time. It’s better than having to make conversations with someone you don’t even wanna spend time with, no?

And sometimes, when I have the time after my walk, I would go to my fave Taman Tun coffee shop for some kopi-o-peng and read paper.

I miss that routine.

Conversations in my mind

2008-07-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

I am so looking forward to the weekend. I need some zzzz.....

Last weekend in Penang with the family was excellent! Of course with a big group, there were the usual indecisiveness and delays but hey, it's expected so we live with it! :)

We also went to my grandmother's place in Air Hitam. It was her birthday - 89th birthday! Everyone was there except my mum. She had other important things to attend to in Port Dickson. But she was missed as we all knew she'd love to be there. We took (or at least tried) to take a family pic. I have yet to upload it... (will do soon!) but u'd be amazed how many of us were there in the hall! Quite a crowd...

OF COURSE they all went on a durian hunt while i stayed back in my Amma's house. I swear that night while playing cards and drinking, the farts and burps were absolutely horrendous! *fainted* Even my 4 year old nephew/godson and 1.5 year old niece love durians!! Bloody hell...minus points those two! :p They're too young to read this so they'll still think their FAVE aunt loves them to bits! *Reminder : to delete this post in a few years, just in case!*

We played Taboo and Pictionary as well...in the hotel. I was surprised the security didn't come to our room. And although i still find it hard to believe, i kinda admit that i have no talent whatsoever in drawing. Sigh. Yes, i finally got a flaw. HA HA HA!

Here's the story - when i was in primary school, maybe 10 years old or so.... i was chosen to represent my school in Port Dickson for an art competition. Surely that means something, right? So my dad bought me a new set (actually my first set!) of crayons and i excitedly (and i must say confidently) went for the competition in Chung Hwa School PD.

It was then ...after i completed my drawing, proudly admiring my simple small house, one big tree and 3 people (bigger than the house, i remember!) and then started looking around at fellow 'competitors' that i realised they had super beautiful, almost real drawings..while mine didnt make sense! I mean, my 3 people could not possibly fit into their own home!!!!!!!!

Ok ok, so i left a VERY important detail out...sheshh!

My godmother was the headmistress of my primary school. Ok? Happy???????? Sheshhh...

Oh fine! And my godfather was looking after the stationery shop there as well. *blush* I think i felt like Robin Hood back then because i used to ask all my classmates if they needed anything (pen, books, ruler, whatever) and i will go see my godfather.

The wonderful man would just pass me anything i wanted (even like 10 books, 5 pencils, 3 rulers!!!!) for free! God bless his soul! Awww..... he passed away two years later when i turned 12. I remember him - gentle, kind and very loving. The one and only godfather i'd ever want and ever will have.

And even when i've recently been told of his story, the beautiful memories of him surpasses them all. I mean, everyone has a story right? We've done and will/might do some stuff that we would not be proud of.... But let's not focus on that right now, shall we?

Here's to beautiful memories. :)

Last night i saw you in my dreams....

2008-07-22T21:00:00.001-07:00

Last night i saw you in my dreams....
Now i can't wait to get back to sleep......

*melted*

(...from a song by Kanye)

Thank God it is Thursday!!!

2008-07-16T23:10:00.000-07:00

I am so glad it is Thursday!

This week has been crazy, hasn't it? I mean, all those hours spent in the car. As it is, fuel price has gone up significantly! Jeez....

Anyway, after my assignment this evening, i am off work till Tuesday so i am sooo looking forward to the short break. It's definitely gonna be a binge weekend with my family - they shall have their durians (ugh!) and hopefully i will find some mangosteens to keep me company! :)

We'll also meet up with my grandmother and cousins in Penang for dinner and picnic, so that would be good. I think it's gonna be a bit more chaotic than i would prefer, but hey.... let's just embrace these moments ya?

Expose momento!!

My colleague told me yesterday about the Fish spas here. I mean, it's been mushrooming all around town and well, almost throughout the country. I heard there's one in Seremban and Penang, etc. Well, apparently, it costs RM300K to set up one Dr Fish Spa thingy. And out of the hundreds of outlets, only ONE outlet is using the correct Dr Fish!!! The rest are mixing the right fish with talapias!!!!!! Can u bloody believe that?

It is so irritating right? I mean..we pay RM38 for 30 mins or something like that...and for what?

I believe in karma.... what goes around, comes around.

Till then, have a fabulous weekend!

Que preciosa es la vida

2008-07-13T20:22:00.000-07:00

How precious life is...

I received an e-mail from my host sister last Thursday. You see...i spent a year living with a family in South America and they treat me like their own family and i, in turn, call them papa, mama and i have additional 3 sisters (on top of my original 2!). :)

Anyway, my host sister there informed me that papa had a heart attack and is currently in ICU. I just read another e-mail from her saying he was going thru a major surgery last Friday and now there's no more news. His heart isn't working the way it should.

The rest might sound a little cliche, i know, but who cares...

You should see how my host parents are - South Americans are mostly very warm, expressive and passionate. You can feel the warmth... the way they greet, the way they express themselves - talk and laugh. Watching my host parents together always blows me away. They must be in their 60s now, but just observing them, you could feel the love. Not like typical old couples - some are miserable but just 'surviving', some cold...of course, i am just generalising right now.

Anyway, i actually went to church last Saturday - sunset mass. I know.... i can't even remember when i last went for mass. Christmas maybe? Ohhh....it was for my grandaunt's funeral. For many years (maybe last 3-4 years), i chose not to go regularly to church. Somewhere along the line, i felt it was hypocritical for me to attend mass and i guess in a big way, i felt ashamed (loss sense of worth) due to my wrongdoings.

This time i sat quietly outside the church (arrived late, so it was overcrowded) and midway through the readings and sermons, i got lost in my own thoughts. I felt the urge to pray for my papa - and mama - and how such a beautiful soul deserves only love and happiness, NO suffering! How i hope he pulls through somehow and recovers. I am still anxiously waiting for news from them.

I haven't seen them in more than 10 years but each time we talk on the phone or via Yahoo, they would cry, i would cry....all expressing how much we miss each other. Spending my one year (one of the bestest years of my life still), i learnt more about myself and i only just realised that i would like to rediscover the 17 year old me again. Full of hope and excitement for life.... with rose tinted glasses! :)

Silly me but i got all teary a couple of times in church. Oh my mum would be so proud if she knew... but let's not get her tooo excited, shall we? :D

I choose to be an adventurer

2008-07-10T01:35:00.001-07:00

I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It's all a question of how i view my life.

Eleven minutes

2008-07-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

That's all it takes, it seems. Or so Paulo Coelho says. Well, i am reading the book for the second time. *blush*

Maria is such a smart woman. I love her thoughts...

1) Love is not to be found in others, but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do so, we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with.

2) In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feeling and cannot blame someone else for what we feel. I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone.

The true experience of freedom : having the most important thing in the world without owning it.

3) I'm not a body with a soul. I'm a soul that has a visible part called the body.....

I need to write about love. I need to think and think and write and write about love - otherwise, my soul won't survive.

4) i can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It's a question of how i view my life.

5) Although my aim is to understand love, and although i suffer to think of the people to whom i gave my heart, I see that those who touched my heart failed to arouse my body, and those who aroused my body failed to touch my heart.

6) And if nothing belongs to me, then there's no point wasting my time looking after things that aren't mine; it's best to live as if today were the first (or last) day of my life.

Avalancha

2008-07-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

One of my favouritestestestest ...EVER! *sniff*

Cuando estamos juntos (whenever we're together)

No quiero que el mundo se mueva mas (i don't want the world to move anymore)

Quisiera congelarlo (i wanna freeze it)

Guardarlo para siempre (keep it safe forever)

Asi nunca te perderia (that way i will never lose you)

Cuando estamos juntos (whenever we're together)

Siento colores brillando (i feel bright colours)

Yo los claros (mine the clears ones)

Y tu los oscuros (yours are the darker ones)

Se mezclan y me pierdo en ti (all are mixed and i am lost in you)

De repente me consume una ola (again i am lost in a wave)

De verdadera inseguridad (the truth is insecurity)

El amor que me abraza se disipa (the love i embraced disappeared)

Y me quedo sola sin ti (and i am left alone without you)

Si hay calma antes de la tormenta (if there's calm before the storm)

Temo que estamos cerca del final (i'm afraid we're close to the end)

Trato de entender en tus palabras (i am trying to understand your words)

Si es que vas a huir de aqui (if you are leaving here)

Como vas a huir de aqui (how are you leaving here?)

Como vas a dejarme asi (how can you leave me like this?)

Cuando estamos juntos (whenever we're together)

Me llena una incertidumbre (i am filled with an uncertainty)

Me creerias (and i believe)

Si yo te dijera (if i could tell you)

Esta locura es solo por ti (this madness is only for you)

If all fails...

2008-07-01T01:47:00.000-07:00

I always joke around and say 'If all fails, at least i can do....' --- > and it all depends on what i was doing well at the moment.

For example, this afternoon while going downstairs for lunch with my colleague, and i found myself holding the lift for the 'whole world'!! So it was then that i told my colleague "If all fails, at least i can be a lift operator". Let's see --- have more options now - lift operator, Starbucks barrista (as i love making cafe lattes - i know....so lame and sick!), bouncer (experienced during the recent property forum), housewife (cooking a storm for parties 2-3 times a year counts?! Right?), etc...

Well, it's nice to have choices, no?

Last night while i was in the car on my way back from Seremban (AGAIN!!! i went there like 3 times since last Saturday!), my sister asked me what immediate future plans were. I wish it was all that simple.... so i just told her casually what i thought and then kept staring out the window. Lucky it was pitch black and me all teary was not so obvious.

I do have options, choices... it's just a matter of which direction i want to head to.

Isn't the unknown a little intimidating?

I have always been able to take the plunge and jump head-on to new adventures, new work, new cultures.... open to trying new things and facing challenges. But this one thing...this ONE thing.... makes me scared. *half smile*

Well, surely the only way to go now is -----> to just bloody do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Packing....

2008-06-23T00:44:00.000-07:00

I spent last night clearing stuff in my room - throwing away and packing what i need.

I came across old photos, letters, journals so it took me hours as i sneezed my way through the old memories. Plane tickets, receipts, countless letters, cards i never managed to pass on, journals -- what shall i do with them all? I ripped the old letters and plan to burn the journals real soon. Some things are better left as that - memories.

And i found a fantastic phrase -- i ripped the paper last night and will post the phrase here soon. About how nothing is lost --- no matter what. Along those lines la.

I get a little panicky now when i think about Saturday - that's when Operasi 'Move Out' happens. I have decided to leave my things at a friend's and live out of a suitcase for a month or so.

Why? I have big decisions to make for myself......

'When you love someone so deeply they become your life,
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside,
Blindly i imagined i could keep you under glass,
Now i understand to hold you i must open my hands
And watch you rise

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I have learned that beauty has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled or their spirit dies
You have given me the courage to be all that I can
And truly feel your heart will lead you back to me when you're ready to land

I can't pretend these tears aren't overflowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from almost overtaking me
But I will stand and say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way it feels to fly

Quirky kissing facts

2008-06-19T19:54:00.000-07:00

Ohmy...i read an interesting article. Perfect on a Friday morning! :)

It's below but look at number 8 (hey! my lucky number!!) --- An average woman kisses 29 men before she gets married!?!! Oh man, i got a loooooooong way to go. Gotta hurry! ha ha... *muuuahh*

10 quirky facts about kissing
By Laura Schaefer

Think you know a thing or two about kissing? You probably do. But the facts below are so off the beaten path, we’ll bet you don’t know them all—and they could come in handy. Not only could they provide some steamy “Did you know…?” chit chat, but they’ll help you see all the benefits a satisfying lip lock can bring into your life. Happy smooching!

1. Two out of every three couples turn their heads to the right when they kiss.
2. A simple peck uses two muscles; a passionate kiss, on the other hand, uses all 34 muscles in your face. Now that’s a rigorous workout!
3. Like fingerprints or snowflakes, no two lip impressions are alike.
4. Kissing is good for what ails you. Research shows that the act of smooching improves our skin, helps circulation, prevents tooth decay, and can even relieve headaches.
5. The average person spends 336 hours of his or her life kissing.
6. Ever wonder how an “X” came to represent a kiss? Starting in the Middle Ages, people who could not read used an X as a signature. They would kiss this mark as a sign of sincerity. Eventually, the X came to represent the kiss itself.
7. Talk about a rush! Kissing releases the same neurotransmitters in our brains as parachuting, bungee jumping, and running.
8. The average woman kisses 29 men before she gets married.
9. Men who kiss their partners before leaving for work average higher incomes than those who don’t.
10. The longest kiss in movie history was between Jane Wyman and Regis Tommey in the 1941 film, You’re in the Army Now. It lasted 3 minutes and 5 seconds. So if you’ve beaten that record, it’s time to celebrate!

When is too much, just too much?

2008-06-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

I have been told I am toooo sensitive. Well, maybe I am for matters close to my heart.

But there’s no denying I am ‘macho’ on the outside. Ha ha….

But how can i just stand back and watch a real good friend make such a big mistake? Especially when we've spent hours talking about it?

You should NEVER ever let anyone make decisions for you. Life changing decisions. And if they do, then you should change ur 'story' to the world and be accountable for your actions.

Your decisions. Your choices. Your life.

Among my best friends, given the permission, they know they will get 'in-ur-face' responses from me. And i tell u, it is NOT easy being so harsh and direct. But somebody's got to do it, right? And really, i'd rather have a 'in-ur-face' friend then someone who agrees to everything you say or do. I don't need cheerleaders in my life, all the time. Some brutal honesty would be great sometimes.

But it is not easy. This morning, we were exchanging texts - her decision to continue with the wedding - and i was like crying in bed while texting her the 'in-ur-face' messages. She even told me she needed my OK for this. That it would mean alot to her. I was so frustrated i cried but texted her that she does not need my OK for anything. This is her decision. I just needed her to understand that.

It's true.... i guess i did my part. The rest is up to her. After all she has been through, i honestly hope this is a good thing. Cuz she deserves it.

*fingers crossed*

The path we choose...

2008-06-16T20:43:00.000-07:00

May it always be as beautiful and exciting as we hope.... :)

I am the master of my own destiny

2008-06-11T01:45:00.000-07:00

Okok....this is the last tarrot reading i will reveal. I promise!

Just thought it was pretty interesting. ---> to decide whether to act morally, or forsake ethics for personal gain. Hmmmm.... *pensive while stroking chin*

The Magus

The Magus is the master of his own destiny and unafraid to act as he chooses. By setting specific and attainable goals, the Magician utilizes his great knowledge and wisdom to succeed where others have failed. He is the master of his own destiny. Although, with such power comes great responsibility. The Magician must decide whether to act morally, or forsake ethics for personal gain.

Tarrot card today says....DEATH!!!

2008-06-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

Death

This card is commonly misconstrued and does not specifically pertain to physical death. The Death card signifies change in your life brought about by the ending of a current situation and the beginning of a new one. While the card itself may be morbid, it actually represents exciting change in your life. Be prepared for new and exciting situations to develop.

Embracing change

2008-06-06T00:53:00.000-07:00

Seems like this year is all about CHANGE for me.

My dad told me sometime in February that he plans to move to his house in Seremban by the end of the year. And i was like ' end of the year? ohh ok' -- thinking i have plenty of time to save up and find a place to stay on my own. Then things cropped up, and my dad kept changing his mind to move in August, then July and suddenly he tells me JUNE!! Arghh...

It is exciting this new chapter in my life. I decided that i will find a place further away due to budget constraints, and also cuz i do not wanna share an apartment with a stranger, nor let out a room so i can afford an apartment in Damansara Perdana or Kelana Jaya or wherever.

So i have been spending the past weekend driving around and looking at apartments. Last Monday, i had an appointment with an agent and he showed me a 3+1 apartment!Arghh...i was like 'What would i need so many rooms??'.

So the hunt is still on.......

I'm not even sure i'll fix an Astro for the apartment - heck, i will let dad have the tv! Hmm... i might have to find a new job to live comfortably! :) Yes, i know...i know...it has only been a little over 6 months with this job. *itching*

What i look forward to?

1. My own space .... no need to be 'decent'!! ha!!
2. My own stuff and decor (existing stuff)
3. An empty apartment - minimal furnishing
4. Cooking @ home more often - pastries, soups, hmm...
5. Finally displaying my candles and lamps!! yeayy!!

Ok, now i am getting excited all over again...nervous yet excited. Nervous about being really alone yet excited with the prospect of finally living on my own.

Now let's just go find that apartment, ok? *fingers crossed*

Things that make me smile....

2008-06-04T05:54:00.000-07:00

This morning while getting ready for work, i decided to compile alist of things that definitely make me smile...... :D

1. Looking at a baby smile while he/she sleeps - with the belief that angels are playing with her/him... sooo cute!

2. Some notti memories *lips sealed*

3. Goofy moments with my best friends - this is an on-going thing!

4. Reminiscing silly moments while in Argentina - riding a gear-less motorbike, trying to enter a casino (underage), 'haunted stories', the motorbike accident, etc

5. My amazing time with the Orang Asli in Kuala Pilah - trekking (thats where i experienced my first right arm torn muscle and phobia for durians!!)

6. Getting really burnt (really burnt as i LITERALLY shed a layer of skin!!!) while tanning in Bali! No one will ever know (i hope!) how painful it was!

7. My trips to the Philippines - ohgod i sooooooooooo miss the food, the barge trips, the loooong drives and the islands!

8. The NEW YEAR parties!!

We're all fabulous!!!!

2008-05-28T01:51:00.000-07:00

My current fave inspirational quote... i simple love it!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

Numero Uno, baby!

2008-05-21T19:37:00.001-07:00

I am just too excited!

Obsessed about flowers

2008-05-18T22:59:00.000-07:00

I just couldn't help it....

After the first shot, i just went on and on and on...

For a virgin photographer, i think i did pretty well, if i may say so myself. :D

Heaven in my mind

2008-05-16T05:40:00.001-07:00

So here i am sitting around all kinds of insects flying around me, birds and whatever else. Straight ahead i see the outline of the mountains, the beginning of the mist..... picture perfect really.

I am in Pahang...and it's half pleasure, half work. Pleasure because the villa is super fabulous.

I am scared about getting down to work --- as i do not know if i can give it justice - writing about this place. I am still at loss of words...the right, justifiable words.

I plan to wake up real early tomo to talk a walk uphill and maybe take some pics. Aside from that, i plan to do NOTHING tomorrow. How fantastic is that? That's what the owner of this place recommended for tomo. Just take in all the sights and sounds of the mountains/forest. Wow...

Something bugging me tho - a friend of mine says he can't imagine me as a person who can appreciate the jungle. I don't blame him as i guess he does not know me well enough. I find the hills and mountains very peaceful. I treasure my morning walks in the park alone - a time for me to meditate or just get lost in my thoughts. And it keeps me going - my own form of motivation.

But i am not here to prove myself to anyone. :)

I always have this thought that i hope whoever it is i end up with,....i would like to spend my older years in either Cameron Highlands or somewhere like Ipoh. A smaller place, simple life.

But you wouldn't have guessed that if u met me! But then again, i am full of surprises!! :)

I will try to upload some pics of this place later tonight. For now, i am going to sit back and just listen to the sounds of the Pahang forest!

In pursuit of happiness (Part 2)

2008-05-04T08:13:00.000-07:00

Going back to basics.

My amma's house in Air Hitam. Brought back loads of childhood memories although the house is pretty much different now then it was back 20 years ago.

Tho everything else feels the same - the pathway we 'trek' to go up to the stalls early in the morning for breakfast. :)

Ahh such bliss!

In pursuit of happiness (Part 1)

2008-05-04T07:50:00.000-07:00

Ok ok....so i was trigger happy on my way to Penang during the weekend.

I loved watching the mountains (or hills?) - had this sense of peace and had this big smile throughout. Well, it was also a nice change from driving most of the time.

Perfect.

A celebration of life

2008-05-01T10:11:00.000-07:00

:)

I am heading to Penang for the weekend for 2 main reasons:

1) My grandaunt's 40th death prayers (she's sorta like a grandmother to us) tho i already have 3 grandmas (2 of which have passed on)

2) a 70th birthday celebration

So it's like a celebration weekend, really. My grandaunt lived a full life. She was 82. We were all shocked cuz she's the youngest in the house. My amma, turning 90 this year, and my uncle is 85. So they were absolutely shocked when my grandaunt passed away on Easter night (Sunday).

I remember getting the call early in the morning and i cried. More out of guilt than anything else. You see, i haven't been back to Penang for 5 years at least. How we take things for granted and always assume all will be alright. So i drove up to Penang that morning with my sister and parents.

Talking to my family there and listening to them explaining everything, i got teary again. But i really lost it in church. Cuz it was like the final goodbye to Amma Jo. She was always soo sweet and loving. But i know she is doing fine. I just know it.

So this weekend, it will be a celebration of her life here.

Amma, we will always miss you....see you soon!

Sights and sounds

2008-04-30T02:49:00.000-07:00

Had some friends over here last week from Vienna. They’re doing a documentary for the Euro ’08 – travel around the world in 80 days!! How exciting is that?? Well, I met Manfred through a fellow AFS exchange student Karl when they did their mini Asia tour 3 years ago. Fantastic guys – real fun!

So this time round (as it is for work), Manfred came with Matias (camera man). They did most of the Europe thing...Greece, Egypt and took the cargo ship from India to Singapore. Then a looong train ride to Kuala Lumpur. We agreed to meet up on Thursday after I was done with work.

Thursday night I picked them up from Swiss Inn and we headed off to Luna Bar – I personally think that place is abit too ‘posie’ for the likes of me but it has a fabulous night view of the city. So it’s a MUST for their documentary, right?

But guess what? It was bloody closed for renovations! Arghh…. Then I took them to this spot I always see tourist buses stop and well, I guess it’s a nice spot for pix? Then Manfred asked to go to Ming Tien in Taman Megah. I took him and Karl there previously and they loved it. I guess the amount of food available till ungodly hours, all sorts of aromas, big fruit juices – it was all a perfect mix for them.

It was funny – me trying to talk to the hawkers as Matias was filming. Lucky they did not understand the joke of some Chinese chick talking to fellow countrymen in Bahasa Malaysia!

I still get the ‘pork can ah?’ when I order my pork noodles. Can’t blame them as I order in Bahasa, yet again!! :D

We spent hours shooting there....i made them eat balitong and bamboo lala...(two things i do not eat!! ha ha) and Manfred had to swallow the bamboo lalas for the camera and once there was this extra darn juicy bamboo lala. Arghh. The joy! I do think i can sometimes be A LITTLE evil.

Took Friday off and we headed to KL Tower. We had to ‘re-shoot’ our welcome scene. Manfred and I had to have surprised happy looks on our silly faces, kiss, hug and then hold hands and walk towards the tower. We had to retake like 6 times cuz I was laughing – felt like we were shooting a Bollywood scene. All that’s lacking are the trees to dance around!

We all had a crazy late night and decided to not do anything on Saturday. I had an interesting Saturday night ‘watching football’. Hmm..

On Sunday, I met the boys and we went to buy their train tickets to Bangkok. Yeah, one of the few conditions they have for the documentary was – only by land or sea- no flying! So it’ll take them 2 days to get to Bangkok instead of the 3 hours by flight. Ha!

I said to the camera, “When you’re feeling tired and you can’t feel your ass anymore nor know what day it is while on the train, just remember this – it only takes you THREE hours by flight!” Ha ha…..funny la.

Then we went to KLCC and walked around the city. After they left on the train at 8pm, I went on for dinner with my family.

That night, it’s weird but I felt a sense of loss.

I guess for four days, I felt like I was part of their fantastic adventure. Now it’s back to reality again. It was a great experience though. Loved it.

Losing myself....

2008-02-19T05:49:00.000-08:00

An older post of mine....

Everyone has their moments right?

For my group of friends, i am usually the 'pillar of their strength'. A place where they turn to for advise or just someone to talk to. I'm generally quite positive person but hey, i am entitled to have my down moments too right?

I've realised recently that i am losing my sense of self.

Experiences in life has left me ignorant and aimless. I've just been drifting in life of late that i find myself just going through day by day with no real destination. Just surviving.

Somewhere along the line, i made a decision to not care too much anymore. Not to be too affected by anything or anyone. Not to give anyone the WHOLE me just to be taken advantage of, lied to, used, disrespected, taken for granted (that i will always be there), etc.

I managed to restrain trusting myself to trust my judgement. What i thought was right back then turned out so totally wrong. All that's left is pure silence and a total numb feeling....

Have you ever felt like you're losing bits of yourself?

p.s. : I WILL get over this eventually....just not tonight. Hey, I am NO victim. This is MY moment.

Keep breathing....

2008-02-15T22:43:00.001-08:00

That's all we can do....keep breathing

When you feel like u're lost and no where to go, no one to turn to..

You keep breathing

When you feel like this is a dead end and there's no light at the end of the tunnel..

You keep breathing

When you feel you need to get away or you'll burst..

You keep breathing

When you feel there's no use fighting or hanging on anymore..

You just keep breathing...

Chicken me

2008-01-07T22:45:00.000-08:00

So i attempted to tell J how it is NOT OK how we are now.....and then i chickened out. I guess i don't think its appropriate and well, i somehow felt i was heading towards failure.

And being the safe person i am, i didnt pursue.

Maybe its for the best? *sigh*

We'll see.....

Are you a great kisser?

2007-12-25T19:16:00.000-08:00

Hmmm...took this quiz recently....

I'm Passionate Kisser
For you, kissing is about all about following your urges. If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story. You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses. A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

What if.........

2007-12-12T03:56:00.000-08:00

I try not to have too many ‘what if’ going through my head…

I’d rather do it, regret later than just wondering what if. Of course it is easier said than done. J

Sometimes I feel time passing by too fast, I panic.

Millions of thoughts pass through my mind. Surely this can’t be it? Is this the life I want to settle for? This is it???

Sometimes I feel out of place….like I’m not supposed to be here.

Sometimes I feel lonely….but why settle for less?

Sometimes I feel useless……..like I can do so much more.

Sometimes I feel sad…….worrying about everything and anything.

Sometimes I cry…….hoping to be understood.

Sometimes I feel like I just want to be alone……..for some peace and quiet.

Sometimes I just wanna scream……..can’t you see what is happening?

Sometimes I feel lost…………like I don’t know what to do with me.

Sometimes I just wanna disappear…….

Till then, I will survive and hope for the best. *fingers crossed*

Caveman Theory

2007-12-12T03:54:00.000-08:00

I wrote about this elsewhere a long time ago.

I believe it still exists till now especially since I’ve been experiencing it for some time.

There’s this guy friend of mine, J, whom I’ve known for maybe 5 or 6 years now. I was attracted to him since the first time we met but my problem (character, you may call it) is that I seldom show how I feel – facial expression or whatever else.

We went out several times on and off over the years and only years later I realized that there were times he MIGHT have attempted to flirt with me. I know, I am so sad right? *sigh* Believe me, I know…. L

Anyway, last year we met up again and well, this time it was a bit different. We kept in contact longer than before, spent time together and I found myself really enjoying myself whenever I am with him. And no, we didn’t do the ‘deed’ or ‘seal the deal’ or whatever you want to call it.

I don’t think I will ever…EVER forget our first kiss. *sigh*

We were hanging out watching tv (his place) and doing the usual small talk, joking and teasing around. We were supposed to book a trip together. Anyway, it’s a long story but let’s just fast forward to the juicy parts…. J

It was very late at night (early morning actually) and came to a point where we kept dozing off, waking up smiling at each other and dozing off again. Each time lying alittle closer but not touching or hugging.

I remember waking up and feeling him so close to me. I remember smiling and well very impatient yet too shy to do anything. Full of anticipation. High on excitement!

When we kissed the first time….ohmyyy…..it was really, really good. Soft, passionate….sooooo good! We just kissed for a really looong time.

It got alittle awkward after…..all we did was kisssssss…..but I remember going to my car and driving home. I had such a big smile that night and the next few days. I guess I was really happy.

But when I tried to bring it up…like….wanna talk about it? He replied that he lost control, etc…. such a reply was heart shattering. *half smile*

You see…..he has a girlfriend.

That wasn’t the one and only time we met at his place. But we haven’t slept together yet and I doubt we will.

Please don’t judge me and don’t get me wrong.

It isn’t something I am proud of….i don’t go after attached men. But he is different. Seriously.

There’s just something there I feel is sooo right….and worth exploring. I wish we could talk about it but I don’t know how to do that.

Sometimes I just wanna give up but………

Anyway, thing is, I guess men still want to do the chasing no matter how ‘modern’ we get. Giving in so easily or being so available makes it too easy I guess huh? They still want to pursue.

You see…it came to a point where I thought hey, I don’t wanna play games. ‘Let’s be upfront’ kind attitude. Maybe too intimidating or feel forced or pushed to a corner eh?

Simplifying things…that’s what I thought.

Guess not.

Apple pie me.....

2007-12-12T03:52:00.001-08:00

You Are Apple Pie

You're the perfect combo of comforting and traditional.You prefer things the way you've always known them.You'll admit that you're old fashioned, and you don't see anything wrong with that.Your tastes and preferences are classic. And classic never goes out of style.Those who like you crave security.People can rely on you to be true to yourself - and true to them.You're loyal, trustworthy, and comfortable in your own skin.And because of these qualities, you've definitely earned a lot of respect.

Misplaced priorities

2007-11-29T21:14:00.000-08:00

Been using the phrase 'misplaced priorities' various times in the recent months.

When there's drama anywhere and people tend to focus on the unimportant details....misplaced priorities.

When there's poverty and improvements urgently needed (education, infrastructure, global warming, pollution, crime, etc) and we send an astronut to the space. Millions spent and err what is he doing now for the people? I am not blaming him....i am just not seeing the need for that at the moment. How much was spent..i mean, actually spent?

Last night on StarNewsAsia, they showed the street protests in Indonesia....protesting some traditional dance...apparently, Malaysia is claiming it as our own? And what comes to mind is.....and what? Is this a life threatening situation for anyone now? Wasn't there flood over there recently? And aren't we expecting the haze to be blowing over here soon?

Misplaced priorities.....

I am not saying i have the answer on how to 'save the world'.....far from that. But surely there's bigger issues to deal with now?

Work slut...me?

2007-11-29T19:48:00.000-08:00

Ok...ok...so i've changed jobs a couple of times. Ok, fine...more than the usual couple of times within the last 2-3 years! Happy?

But to call me a work slut?

My previous client (i actually would not consider him a client because eventho yeah, i sold him a RM20K custom made kitchen, i didn't actually get any comission from it....damn!)....well, anyway....we've been in touch since (well, that must've been 2 jobs ago) and when he heard i moved again (yes, i just started a new job mid Nov 07 and let's not count the months yet ok?), he called me a work slut!

I have to admit that the kitchen job was like a desperate move.....i was jobless for like 3 months and getting bored out of my mind and the opportunity came and i took it.

Work 6 days a week....really ah? Err ok.
Work weekends...err damn but ok.
To be based in the mall....ok.
Half my previous salary...damn..ok.
Must achieve sales target per month....oh god *shiver*...but ok.
Involves loads of calculations, take own measurements of site.....calculate? oh man...ok.
Service industry so work on public holidays, etc..... *teary eyes*...ok
Learn 3D program for designing purposes.....finally...ok
Wear uniform......shit!!!!!!!!

Ok, so the uniform was a major turn off...it just made the 6-day week and work on holidays seem ok.

Uniforms are so overrated....it confines our creativity. Well, unless of course you are working in a restaurant or something where you need to be identified. Ok, so the main reason is that i do not wear shirts, man. The shirt material was bad and so unflattering. *bimbo mode*

So i managed to find an excuse and not wear the uniform for the 6 months i spent working there.
The moment i got an offer to do PR, i grabbed it! Quit within 24 hours and started the next day.

Well, let's fast forward and here i am in this current job.

If i'm a work slut, surely i will work for more money?

This decision to join journalism is something i had to think carefully about. I had so many doubts in my mind...what if i can't write or i don't do well here? My first few days was like a war in my mind...i was feeling discouraged and low. I realised that ONLY person against me is MYSELF!

So i am shutting my thoughts out and am still trying to find my path here. It's so different from my previous PR stint.

Am still adjusting here...but it is something i've been meaning to try so here i am.

*fingers crossed*

My first!

2007-11-29T19:41:00.000-08:00

Finally!

I've been wanting to set up a 'decent' blog and being the procrastinator that i am....i am so glad i am finally..FINALLY.. here.

Figured i should let my first posting be a simple, short and sweet one! :)