Caveman Theory

I wrote about this elsewhere a long time ago.

I believe it still exists till now especially since I’ve been experiencing it for some time.

There’s this guy friend of mine, J, whom I’ve known for maybe 5 or 6 years now. I was attracted to him since the first time we met but my problem (character, you may call it) is that I seldom show how I feel – facial expression or whatever else.

We went out several times on and off over the years and only years later I realized that there were times he MIGHT have attempted to flirt with me. I know, I am so sad right? *sigh* Believe me, I know…. L

Anyway, last year we met up again and well, this time it was a bit different. We kept in contact longer than before, spent time together and I found myself really enjoying myself whenever I am with him. And no, we didn’t do the ‘deed’ or ‘seal the deal’ or whatever you want to call it.

I don’t think I will ever…EVER forget our first kiss. *sigh*

We were hanging out watching tv (his place) and doing the usual small talk, joking and teasing around. We were supposed to book a trip together. Anyway, it’s a long story but let’s just fast forward to the juicy parts…. J

It was very late at night (early morning actually) and came to a point where we kept dozing off, waking up smiling at each other and dozing off again. Each time lying alittle closer but not touching or hugging.

I remember waking up and feeling him so close to me. I remember smiling and well very impatient yet too shy to do anything. Full of anticipation. High on excitement!

When we kissed the first time….ohmyyy…..it was really, really good. Soft, passionate….sooooo good! We just kissed for a really looong time.

It got alittle awkward after…..all we did was kisssssss…..but I remember going to my car and driving home. I had such a big smile that night and the next few days. I guess I was really happy.

But when I tried to bring it up…like….wanna talk about it? He replied that he lost control, etc…. such a reply was heart shattering. *half smile*

You see…..he has a girlfriend.

That wasn’t the one and only time we met at his place. But we haven’t slept together yet and I doubt we will.

Please don’t judge me and don’t get me wrong.

It isn’t something I am proud of….i don’t go after attached men. But he is different. Seriously.

There’s just something there I feel is sooo right….and worth exploring. I wish we could talk about it but I don’t know how to do that.

Sometimes I just wanna give up but………

Anyway, thing is, I guess men still want to do the chasing no matter how ‘modern’ we get. Giving in so easily or being so available makes it too easy I guess huh? They still want to pursue.

You see…it came to a point where I thought hey, I don’t wanna play games. ‘Let’s be upfront’ kind attitude. Maybe too intimidating or feel forced or pushed to a corner eh?

Simplifying things…that’s what I thought.

Guess not.