In pursuit of happiness (Part 2)

Going back to basics.

My amma's house in Air Hitam. Brought back loads of childhood memories although the house is pretty much different now then it was back 20 years ago.

Tho everything else feels the same - the pathway we 'trek' to go up to the stalls early in the morning for breakfast. :)

Ahh such bliss!

In pursuit of happiness (Part 1)

Ok ok....so i was trigger happy on my way to Penang during the weekend.

I loved watching the mountains (or hills?) - had this sense of peace and had this big smile throughout. Well, it was also a nice change from driving most of the time.

Perfect.

A celebration of life

:)

I am heading to Penang for the weekend for 2 main reasons:

1) My grandaunt's 40th death prayers (she's sorta like a grandmother to us) tho i already have 3 grandmas (2 of which have passed on)

2) a 70th birthday celebration

So it's like a celebration weekend, really. My grandaunt lived a full life. She was 82. We were all shocked cuz she's the youngest in the house. My amma, turning 90 this year, and my uncle is 85. So they were absolutely shocked when my grandaunt passed away on Easter night (Sunday).

I remember getting the call early in the morning and i cried. More out of guilt than anything else. You see, i haven't been back to Penang for 5 years at least. How we take things for granted and always assume all will be alright. So i drove up to Penang that morning with my sister and parents.

Talking to my family there and listening to them explaining everything, i got teary again. But i really lost it in church. Cuz it was like the final goodbye to Amma Jo. She was always soo sweet and loving. But i know she is doing fine. I just know it.

So this weekend, it will be a celebration of her life here.

Amma, we will always miss you....see you soon!

Sights and sounds

Had some friends over here last week from Vienna. They’re doing a documentary for the Euro ’08 – travel around the world in 80 days!! How exciting is that?? Well, I met Manfred through a fellow AFS exchange student Karl when they did their mini Asia tour 3 years ago. Fantastic guys – real fun!

So this time round (as it is for work), Manfred came with Matias (camera man). They did most of the Europe thing...Greece, Egypt and took the cargo ship from India to Singapore. Then a looong train ride to Kuala Lumpur. We agreed to meet up on Thursday after I was done with work.

Thursday night I picked them up from Swiss Inn and we headed off to Luna Bar – I personally think that place is abit too ‘posie’ for the likes of me but it has a fabulous night view of the city. So it’s a MUST for their documentary, right?

But guess what? It was bloody closed for renovations! Arghh…. Then I took them to this spot I always see tourist buses stop and well, I guess it’s a nice spot for pix? Then Manfred asked to go to Ming Tien in Taman Megah. I took him and Karl there previously and they loved it. I guess the amount of food available till ungodly hours, all sorts of aromas, big fruit juices – it was all a perfect mix for them.

It was funny – me trying to talk to the hawkers as Matias was filming. Lucky they did not understand the joke of some Chinese chick talking to fellow countrymen in Bahasa Malaysia!

I still get the ‘pork can ah?’ when I order my pork noodles. Can’t blame them as I order in Bahasa, yet again!! :D

We spent hours shooting there....i made them eat balitong and bamboo lala...(two things i do not eat!! ha ha) and Manfred had to swallow the bamboo lalas for the camera and once there was this extra darn juicy bamboo lala. Arghh. The joy! I do think i can sometimes be A LITTLE evil.

Took Friday off and we headed to KL Tower. We had to ‘re-shoot’ our welcome scene. Manfred and I had to have surprised happy looks on our silly faces, kiss, hug and then hold hands and walk towards the tower. We had to retake like 6 times cuz I was laughing – felt like we were shooting a Bollywood scene. All that’s lacking are the trees to dance around!

We all had a crazy late night and decided to not do anything on Saturday. I had an interesting Saturday night ‘watching football’. Hmm..

On Sunday, I met the boys and we went to buy their train tickets to Bangkok. Yeah, one of the few conditions they have for the documentary was – only by land or sea- no flying! So it’ll take them 2 days to get to Bangkok instead of the 3 hours by flight. Ha!

I said to the camera, “When you’re feeling tired and you can’t feel your ass anymore nor know what day it is while on the train, just remember this – it only takes you THREE hours by flight!” Ha ha…..funny la.

Then we went to KLCC and walked around the city. After they left on the train at 8pm, I went on for dinner with my family.

That night, it’s weird but I felt a sense of loss.

I guess for four days, I felt like I was part of their fantastic adventure. Now it’s back to reality again. It was a great experience though. Loved it.

Losing myself....

An older post of mine....


Everyone has their moments right?

For my group of friends, i am usually the 'pillar of their strength'. A place where they turn to for advise or just someone to talk to. I'm generally quite positive person but hey, i am entitled to have my down moments too right?

I've realised recently that i am losing my sense of self.

Experiences in life has left me ignorant and aimless. I've just been drifting in life of late that i find myself just going through day by day with no real destination. Just surviving.

Somewhere along the line, i made a decision to not care too much anymore. Not to be too affected by anything or anyone. Not to give anyone the WHOLE me just to be taken advantage of, lied to, used, disrespected, taken for granted (that i will always be there), etc.

I managed to restrain trusting myself to trust my judgement. What i thought was right back then turned out so totally wrong. All that's left is pure silence and a total numb feeling....

Have you ever felt like you're losing bits of yourself?

p.s. : I WILL get over this eventually....just not tonight. Hey, I am NO victim. This is MY moment.

Keep breathing....

That's all we can do....keep breathing

When you feel like u're lost and no where to go, no one to turn to..

You keep breathing

When you feel like this is a dead end and there's no light at the end of the tunnel..

You keep breathing

When you feel you need to get away or you'll burst..

You keep breathing

When you feel there's no use fighting or hanging on anymore..

You just keep breathing...

Chicken me

So i attempted to tell J how it is NOT OK how we are now.....and then i chickened out. I guess i don't think its appropriate and well, i somehow felt i was heading towards failure.

And being the safe person i am, i didnt pursue.

Maybe its for the best? *sigh*

We'll see.....