Sights and sounds

Had some friends over here last week from Vienna. They’re doing a documentary for the Euro ’08 – travel around the world in 80 days!! How exciting is that?? Well, I met Manfred through a fellow AFS exchange student Karl when they did their mini Asia tour 3 years ago. Fantastic guys – real fun!

So this time round (as it is for work), Manfred came with Matias (camera man). They did most of the Europe thing...Greece, Egypt and took the cargo ship from India to Singapore. Then a looong train ride to Kuala Lumpur. We agreed to meet up on Thursday after I was done with work.

Thursday night I picked them up from Swiss Inn and we headed off to Luna Bar – I personally think that place is abit too ‘posie’ for the likes of me but it has a fabulous night view of the city. So it’s a MUST for their documentary, right?

But guess what? It was bloody closed for renovations! Arghh…. Then I took them to this spot I always see tourist buses stop and well, I guess it’s a nice spot for pix? Then Manfred asked to go to Ming Tien in Taman Megah. I took him and Karl there previously and they loved it. I guess the amount of food available till ungodly hours, all sorts of aromas, big fruit juices – it was all a perfect mix for them.

It was funny – me trying to talk to the hawkers as Matias was filming. Lucky they did not understand the joke of some Chinese chick talking to fellow countrymen in Bahasa Malaysia!

I still get the ‘pork can ah?’ when I order my pork noodles. Can’t blame them as I order in Bahasa, yet again!! :D

We spent hours shooting there....i made them eat balitong and bamboo lala...(two things i do not eat!! ha ha) and Manfred had to swallow the bamboo lalas for the camera and once there was this extra darn juicy bamboo lala. Arghh. The joy! I do think i can sometimes be A LITTLE evil.

Took Friday off and we headed to KL Tower. We had to ‘re-shoot’ our welcome scene. Manfred and I had to have surprised happy looks on our silly faces, kiss, hug and then hold hands and walk towards the tower. We had to retake like 6 times cuz I was laughing – felt like we were shooting a Bollywood scene. All that’s lacking are the trees to dance around!

We all had a crazy late night and decided to not do anything on Saturday. I had an interesting Saturday night ‘watching football’. Hmm..

On Sunday, I met the boys and we went to buy their train tickets to Bangkok. Yeah, one of the few conditions they have for the documentary was – only by land or sea- no flying! So it’ll take them 2 days to get to Bangkok instead of the 3 hours by flight. Ha!

I said to the camera, “When you’re feeling tired and you can’t feel your ass anymore nor know what day it is while on the train, just remember this – it only takes you THREE hours by flight!” Ha ha…..funny la.

Then we went to KLCC and walked around the city. After they left on the train at 8pm, I went on for dinner with my family.

That night, it’s weird but I felt a sense of loss.

I guess for four days, I felt like I was part of their fantastic adventure. Now it’s back to reality again. It was a great experience though. Loved it.

Losing myself....

An older post of mine....


Everyone has their moments right?

For my group of friends, i am usually the 'pillar of their strength'. A place where they turn to for advise or just someone to talk to. I'm generally quite positive person but hey, i am entitled to have my down moments too right?

I've realised recently that i am losing my sense of self.

Experiences in life has left me ignorant and aimless. I've just been drifting in life of late that i find myself just going through day by day with no real destination. Just surviving.

Somewhere along the line, i made a decision to not care too much anymore. Not to be too affected by anything or anyone. Not to give anyone the WHOLE me just to be taken advantage of, lied to, used, disrespected, taken for granted (that i will always be there), etc.

I managed to restrain trusting myself to trust my judgement. What i thought was right back then turned out so totally wrong. All that's left is pure silence and a total numb feeling....

Have you ever felt like you're losing bits of yourself?

p.s. : I WILL get over this eventually....just not tonight. Hey, I am NO victim. This is MY moment.

Keep breathing....

That's all we can do....keep breathing

When you feel like u're lost and no where to go, no one to turn to..

You keep breathing

When you feel like this is a dead end and there's no light at the end of the tunnel..

You keep breathing

When you feel you need to get away or you'll burst..

You keep breathing

When you feel there's no use fighting or hanging on anymore..

You just keep breathing...

Chicken me

So i attempted to tell J how it is NOT OK how we are now.....and then i chickened out. I guess i don't think its appropriate and well, i somehow felt i was heading towards failure.

And being the safe person i am, i didnt pursue.

Maybe its for the best? *sigh*

We'll see.....

Are you a great kisser?

Hmmm...took this quiz recently....

I'm Passionate Kisser
For you, kissing is about all about following your urges. If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story. You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses. A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

What if.........

I try not to have too many ‘what if’ going through my head…

I’d rather do it, regret later than just wondering what if. Of course it is easier said than done. J

Sometimes I feel time passing by too fast, I panic.

Millions of thoughts pass through my mind. Surely this can’t be it? Is this the life I want to settle for? This is it???

Sometimes I feel out of place….like I’m not supposed to be here.

Sometimes I feel lonely….but why settle for less?

Sometimes I feel useless……..like I can do so much more.

Sometimes I feel sad…….worrying about everything and anything.

Sometimes I cry…….hoping to be understood.

Sometimes I feel like I just want to be alone……..for some peace and quiet.

Sometimes I just wanna scream……..can’t you see what is happening?

Sometimes I feel lost…………like I don’t know what to do with me.

Sometimes I just wanna disappear…….

Till then, I will survive and hope for the best. *fingers crossed*

Caveman Theory

I wrote about this elsewhere a long time ago.

I believe it still exists till now especially since I’ve been experiencing it for some time.

There’s this guy friend of mine, J, whom I’ve known for maybe 5 or 6 years now. I was attracted to him since the first time we met but my problem (character, you may call it) is that I seldom show how I feel – facial expression or whatever else.

We went out several times on and off over the years and only years later I realized that there were times he MIGHT have attempted to flirt with me. I know, I am so sad right? *sigh* Believe me, I know…. L

Anyway, last year we met up again and well, this time it was a bit different. We kept in contact longer than before, spent time together and I found myself really enjoying myself whenever I am with him. And no, we didn’t do the ‘deed’ or ‘seal the deal’ or whatever you want to call it.

I don’t think I will ever…EVER forget our first kiss. *sigh*

We were hanging out watching tv (his place) and doing the usual small talk, joking and teasing around. We were supposed to book a trip together. Anyway, it’s a long story but let’s just fast forward to the juicy parts…. J

It was very late at night (early morning actually) and came to a point where we kept dozing off, waking up smiling at each other and dozing off again. Each time lying alittle closer but not touching or hugging.

I remember waking up and feeling him so close to me. I remember smiling and well very impatient yet too shy to do anything. Full of anticipation. High on excitement!

When we kissed the first time….ohmyyy…..it was really, really good. Soft, passionate….sooooo good! We just kissed for a really looong time.

It got alittle awkward after…..all we did was kisssssss…..but I remember going to my car and driving home. I had such a big smile that night and the next few days. I guess I was really happy.

But when I tried to bring it up…like….wanna talk about it? He replied that he lost control, etc…. such a reply was heart shattering. *half smile*

You see…..he has a girlfriend.

That wasn’t the one and only time we met at his place. But we haven’t slept together yet and I doubt we will.

Please don’t judge me and don’t get me wrong.

It isn’t something I am proud of….i don’t go after attached men. But he is different. Seriously.

There’s just something there I feel is sooo right….and worth exploring. I wish we could talk about it but I don’t know how to do that.

Sometimes I just wanna give up but………

Anyway, thing is, I guess men still want to do the chasing no matter how ‘modern’ we get. Giving in so easily or being so available makes it too easy I guess huh? They still want to pursue.

You see…it came to a point where I thought hey, I don’t wanna play games. ‘Let’s be upfront’ kind attitude. Maybe too intimidating or feel forced or pushed to a corner eh?

Simplifying things…that’s what I thought.

Guess not.