Wow.....2010 is here and i have been lazy.
Let's see.....since my last post, i have had a minor surgery on my back. Took about a month off work in November, went to USA in October. Actually, come to think of it, i had a lovely 2009. USA was superb. I enjoyed it. Too much, maybe. :D
I will write my US experience soon.
Right now, i am back to being L-A-Z-Y. *peace*
Monday, February 8, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Choosing to move forward with great memories
Do you sometimes have the feeling you are paying for past mistakes? They were mistakes for sure....thing you went through when you were younger and stupid. Now i am just stupid. :)
Sometimes i wonder when will it be over? I feel soon, i hope real sooooon.
I hate having regrets and i always try not to have them. So sometimes, i do things that are a little crazy and somewhat embarassing. But hey, i did what i felt was right at the moment. It may be right, it may be wrong. At the time, it felt RIGHT. :)
I have written about a certain friend throughout my blog (right from the beginning until recently), and i will try to stop doing that soon enough. I guess i have had many things i wanted to tell him about but didn't have the opportunity to do so. It is also funny when i try to forget him, get him out of my mind...and everything about him pops in sight. Even my holiday last weekend, the tour guide we had for the day reminded me of him! Same playful, smooth manner and even the same damn hat! Sigh.
We had some great times --- he and i. Memories i will cherish for a long time to come. Memories that make me smile and feel warm, and sometimes gets me all teared up. It's like we didn't get to explore US, we may have advanced 4 steps ahead without going through the basics of a relationship. In a way, we knew things about each other not the normal route/way. Either way, i am sure it was for a reason. Right?
There was once i was hanging out at his place. Both of us lying on the floor infront of his tv....he was watching his football match, i promise to accompany him eventho i am not much of a football fan. We sorta teased each other about having an 'exciting half time'. The moment they went into half time, we immediately started making out. As always, it was very hot and i have always loved our kisses. Perfect. Just like how it was each time. Love it.
He has asked a few times to go 'all the way', and i couldn't bring myself to say YES, no matter how much i wanted to. You see, i like this guy. A LOT. A LOTTT. There were just things/issues i had to clear before finally having sex with him. I was at the time seeing someone else but not really in a relationship and so was he! And man, it was super hard saying NO each time. I had to say things like "no...i am not ready...next time...., etc". :(
I mean, i have been in a relationship where my ex 'bf' was a married man. He forgot to mention that to me about his real status. He lied and i was stupid and naive to believe him then and we were 'in a relationship' for a very long time. And i was even more stupid to continue on for a while after i found out the truth, convinced i was in love with him. Stupid, i know. How i found out was another long dramatic story, which i rather not talk about anymore.
So u see, i have played 'the other woman' role and it sucked big time. Each time, i felt a sense of loss and disrespect for myself. It was very draining and such a bad feeling. It took such a long for me to get over it and forgive myself for my stupid actions. So the last thing i wanted was to be in that situation again. And especially not with him --- i think i liked him wayyy too much to do that.
I never had the chance to explain myself. I hope he doesn't assume i am/was not interested in him. But i have delayed my explanations for toooooo long, and now i think it is too late.
Isn't it sad when you meet someone you would love to explore and learn more about, but timing was not right at the moment? I know they say if it is fated it will happen eventually... (yes, i have read 'He's just not that into you.... grr)
Until then, i shall not wait and wonder. And just hope for the best. So here i am ---> dignity intact but somewhat alone. :) I just have to believe in myself again, i guess.
To the left, to the left...
Sometimes i wonder when will it be over? I feel soon, i hope real sooooon.
I hate having regrets and i always try not to have them. So sometimes, i do things that are a little crazy and somewhat embarassing. But hey, i did what i felt was right at the moment. It may be right, it may be wrong. At the time, it felt RIGHT. :)
I have written about a certain friend throughout my blog (right from the beginning until recently), and i will try to stop doing that soon enough. I guess i have had many things i wanted to tell him about but didn't have the opportunity to do so. It is also funny when i try to forget him, get him out of my mind...and everything about him pops in sight. Even my holiday last weekend, the tour guide we had for the day reminded me of him! Same playful, smooth manner and even the same damn hat! Sigh.
We had some great times --- he and i. Memories i will cherish for a long time to come. Memories that make me smile and feel warm, and sometimes gets me all teared up. It's like we didn't get to explore US, we may have advanced 4 steps ahead without going through the basics of a relationship. In a way, we knew things about each other not the normal route/way. Either way, i am sure it was for a reason. Right?
There was once i was hanging out at his place. Both of us lying on the floor infront of his tv....he was watching his football match, i promise to accompany him eventho i am not much of a football fan. We sorta teased each other about having an 'exciting half time'. The moment they went into half time, we immediately started making out. As always, it was very hot and i have always loved our kisses. Perfect. Just like how it was each time. Love it.
He has asked a few times to go 'all the way', and i couldn't bring myself to say YES, no matter how much i wanted to. You see, i like this guy. A LOT. A LOTTT. There were just things/issues i had to clear before finally having sex with him. I was at the time seeing someone else but not really in a relationship and so was he! And man, it was super hard saying NO each time. I had to say things like "no...i am not ready...next time...., etc". :(
I mean, i have been in a relationship where my ex 'bf' was a married man. He forgot to mention that to me about his real status. He lied and i was stupid and naive to believe him then and we were 'in a relationship' for a very long time. And i was even more stupid to continue on for a while after i found out the truth, convinced i was in love with him. Stupid, i know. How i found out was another long dramatic story, which i rather not talk about anymore.
So u see, i have played 'the other woman' role and it sucked big time. Each time, i felt a sense of loss and disrespect for myself. It was very draining and such a bad feeling. It took such a long for me to get over it and forgive myself for my stupid actions. So the last thing i wanted was to be in that situation again. And especially not with him --- i think i liked him wayyy too much to do that.
I never had the chance to explain myself. I hope he doesn't assume i am/was not interested in him. But i have delayed my explanations for toooooo long, and now i think it is too late.
Isn't it sad when you meet someone you would love to explore and learn more about, but timing was not right at the moment? I know they say if it is fated it will happen eventually... (yes, i have read 'He's just not that into you.... grr)
Until then, i shall not wait and wonder. And just hope for the best. So here i am ---> dignity intact but somewhat alone. :) I just have to believe in myself again, i guess.
To the left, to the left...
Friday, July 3, 2009
Mild Sciatica?
So i have been having bad back pain for over 7 months now. There are good days and there are not-so good days.
Went to 3 doctors and most i get are muscle relaxants and pain killers. I avoid the pain killers cuz i can stand the pain but one doc also gave me nerve vitamins. Anyway, it didn't get all better and i think it got worse the past 2 weeks esp after driving 1000 km in 2 days. My granduncle passed away last Thursday and i drove my family up to Penang and then sent my parents back to Seremban. Since then, my whole right leg and back has had permanent tingling/pins and needles and my fourth and fifth toes are kinda numb. :S
Anyway, i finally gathered the courage to go see a doc today. And since it's my second time seeing him, and my condition has not improved and maybe even worsen, he had written me a referral letter to see an orthopaedic (specialist) to get my spine scanned. It all sounds rather scary to me. Sigh.
Oh well, there is nothing else i can do now....but will wait till Monday to see what HR has to say or suggest. Sleeping is uncomfortable nowadays. I hope it isn't anything too serious. :S
Goodnight.....
Went to 3 doctors and most i get are muscle relaxants and pain killers. I avoid the pain killers cuz i can stand the pain but one doc also gave me nerve vitamins. Anyway, it didn't get all better and i think it got worse the past 2 weeks esp after driving 1000 km in 2 days. My granduncle passed away last Thursday and i drove my family up to Penang and then sent my parents back to Seremban. Since then, my whole right leg and back has had permanent tingling/pins and needles and my fourth and fifth toes are kinda numb. :S
Anyway, i finally gathered the courage to go see a doc today. And since it's my second time seeing him, and my condition has not improved and maybe even worsen, he had written me a referral letter to see an orthopaedic (specialist) to get my spine scanned. It all sounds rather scary to me. Sigh.
Oh well, there is nothing else i can do now....but will wait till Monday to see what HR has to say or suggest. Sleeping is uncomfortable nowadays. I hope it isn't anything too serious. :S
Goodnight.....
Monday, June 22, 2009
Blogging hiatus
Many a times i think of blogging here about what's on my mind, etc....but i either find excuses or something else to do. Somehow i feel restrained from blogging how i truly feel right now. It's difficult to put words to these feelings i am experiencing. So what do i do? I focus out. :)
Anyway, isn't it funny (OF COURSE NOT!) when the person you want to forget keeps appearing everywhere? Same cars everywhere, same bloody names and even in my dreams! Seriously.... sheshhh.
There are good days and not-so-good days. Today is one of the not-so-good days. I hope he is happy and content. My J.
I just miss him very very much. Just today....
Anyway, isn't it funny (OF COURSE NOT!) when the person you want to forget keeps appearing everywhere? Same cars everywhere, same bloody names and even in my dreams! Seriously.... sheshhh.
There are good days and not-so-good days. Today is one of the not-so-good days. I hope he is happy and content. My J.
I just miss him very very much. Just today....
Friday, February 13, 2009
To make you feel my love
You know the feeling you feel there's still to much you really wanna tell someone, but....well....at the moment, i am absolutely IN LOVE with so many songs. Songs that seem to know what i am so feeling right now.
One of the good things about living far away from my work place is the fact that i can enjoy good music in my car while driving home. When i used to live 5 minutes away from my office, it would take me a few songs and a stick of cig to get me home. Now...better not count. :D
One of my fave songs now... Awww...
MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE - by Adele
When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong
I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet
I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love
One of the good things about living far away from my work place is the fact that i can enjoy good music in my car while driving home. When i used to live 5 minutes away from my office, it would take me a few songs and a stick of cig to get me home. Now...better not count. :D
One of my fave songs now... Awww...
MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE - by Adele
When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong
I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet
I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love
Thursday, February 12, 2009
My random 25
1) Some years ago I called up the radio station (traffic phone ranger) telling them that I see a horse (yes, an actual full grown horse!) galloping towards my car along the road to Hartamas (near KLGCC). I kid you not!!!! I was in my cute little Kelisa then. Pretty scary shit! Perhaps the horse thought it was heading for ‘greener pastures’. Instead it headed towards the flyover to Kerinchi Link.
2) I am stubborn. Very stubborn. Apparently since really young…surprise! Surprise! When I was 5, my parents paid the whole year fees for a private kindergarten in Port Dickson. After a week, I refused to go there as I was so bored colouring my days away. I then joined the almost-free Kemas kindergarten and had a blast! J
3) 85% of my clothes are black. Ok, maybe 91.5%. Surprised? And that ONE day I wear a white floral dress, I got my period and stained it. What is the universe telling me, right??? Seriously.
4) I am told repeatedly to just smile, lift my shoulders, look down shyly and shuddup when ppl try to flirt with me. Apparently, I am not so good at flirting back/comebacks. Once a kinda cute guy I was checking out at the club came up to me holding a glass of water and asked if he could flirt with me the next time we meet. To which I replied: “Drink your water lah!” What can I say? Sigh.
5) I learnt many years ago to always wear presentable, nice panties. No more hole-y ones, I say! Why? It was during a team building session with my LP7 team. After doing the whole works – climbing the pole, flying fox, over the wall – I then realised the ‘cool’ feeling was from my fully torn track bottom. Goodbye comfy, hole-y panties! :S
6) My close friends say I am commitment phobic. Perhaps I am. I am working on it, a constant WIP.
7) I am a pervert…...There, I’ve said it.
8) A curious child à Or so I was called by a good friend. Well, curiousity killed the damn cat! I was so curious, I went to watch an orgy once. WATCH, people….WATCH!!! Enuff said. End of the story. lips sealed
9) Once, I told my cute neighbour it was my birthday (it really wasn’t!) and he went back and baked a cake for me immediately. Man, did I feel real bad. People take me too seriously most of the time. Must be my poker face.
10) I reversed my then-new car and hit my ex-neighbour’s car. Twice. It is not my fault. I can’t help it if my car’s ass is too high. Baddd Proton! I guess it’s good I moved out 6 months ago. Blink
11) You know the escalators with signs telling u to not stand too close to the side and stand within the yellow box? Well, they didn’t have that till recently. I remember walking in Sunway Pyramid with my cousin wearing my favourite long Laura Ashley skirt. Stretchable material. It got stuck. Panic all around while I kept holding on to my skirt (kudos to Laura Ashley, it just kept stretching!), some guy pressed on the emergency button to stop the escalator…. After like forever, I managed to tear the bottom of my skirt. There was nothing else I could do. Sniff.
12) I can’t draw to save my life. I realised it when I was 12. I represented my school for a drawing competition (I shall reluctantly state that my godmother was our school principal then), so there I was at Chung Hwa with my new set of crayons. Real proud. Drew one house, one tree and a couple who were too big for their house. I then looked around and saw almost life-like drawings from other participants. I realised then and there. Pictionary, anyone?
13) So I smoke. But I have set the date, May 15, to quit smoking. Till then, so long suckerssss!!!
14) DNR – Do not resusitate. That’s my choice, as I’d rather die than live on life support machines. Am also a registered organ donor.
15) “It is better to regret something you have done, rather than to regret something you have NOT done” --- It’s my fave motto. But it has gotten me into trouble a few times, as well. But hey, it was worth the experience. Err no?
16) I hate durians – HATE. Used to be able to take 1-2 pieces. Stayed with orang asli @ Negeri Sembilan and it was during durian season. :S We had durian rice, durian soup, durian..durian…durian. And the not-so-private toilet was at the base of the waterfall. I did not DO IT for 4 days. (for perverts, IT meant shit)
17) Got seriously sunburnt while holidaying in Bali. It was seriously painful – I was dark red and burning with water bubbles!! My lovely non-supportive friends (you know who you are!!) had a field. I was walking real slowly towards the departure lounge at Ngurah Rai Airport, they walked past me, talking loudly while looking pointedly at me: “Ohmygod. Look at her. So terrible la!”. Hence the ‘virginic layer of skin’ tag from Mursh too. Note to self : Need to find me a new set of nice friends. Hmphh!
18) I always have three sets of different shampoo/conditioner in my bathroom. Need the variety. Can’t be using the same one over and over and over again. Right? blush
19) I had the BEST-ever, almost orgasmic green mango juice and cheese baked mussels in the Philippines. I will never, ever get over it. I plan to go there again..
20) When I turned 18, I realised could finally buy 4D. Bought 2808 and got RM118. Woo hooo! The excitement! Haven’t won much since tho…hmm.
21) I drove into Singapore once without the damn pass for my car. The customs officer told me to drive straight and turn left to buy the pass (like a permit to drive into Singapore). I drove straight INTO Woodlands, Singapore. Did not see the damn office. Drove out 2 days later and got fucked. Wasn’t so funny then.
22) I cry watching commercials. Esp those festive ones from Petronas, TM, etc. I cry watching inspiring people do inspiring stuff. I cry watching Oprah Winfrey. I. Cry. Period.
23) When I was 5 or 6, I swore my uncle was Kenny Rogers! I was 3000% sure and thought Uncle Eric from UK was his undercover name. They so looked alike, ok? I confronted him and even then, I was like 5000% sure. Well, he isn’t. Damn.
24) Got dengue yearss ago. It was hell. Thought I was gonna die…panicked. My eldest sister (very drama) created a big fuss, cried in her office and her boss let her off work before lunch. She went straight home and SLEPT. Sigh. She MAY HAVE visited me later that night. I don’t remember.
25) I try to live life by the rules, but sometimes rules suck! Ugh.
Boy, am I glad I have finally reached No.25. Would still want to appear mysterious. Can’t reveal everything all at once la. Just the tip of the iceberg, I say! :D
2) I am stubborn. Very stubborn. Apparently since really young…surprise! Surprise! When I was 5, my parents paid the whole year fees for a private kindergarten in Port Dickson. After a week, I refused to go there as I was so bored colouring my days away. I then joined the almost-free Kemas kindergarten and had a blast! J
3) 85% of my clothes are black. Ok, maybe 91.5%. Surprised? And that ONE day I wear a white floral dress, I got my period and stained it. What is the universe telling me, right??? Seriously.
4) I am told repeatedly to just smile, lift my shoulders, look down shyly and shuddup when ppl try to flirt with me. Apparently, I am not so good at flirting back/comebacks. Once a kinda cute guy I was checking out at the club came up to me holding a glass of water and asked if he could flirt with me the next time we meet. To which I replied: “Drink your water lah!” What can I say? Sigh.
5) I learnt many years ago to always wear presentable, nice panties. No more hole-y ones, I say! Why? It was during a team building session with my LP7 team. After doing the whole works – climbing the pole, flying fox, over the wall – I then realised the ‘cool’ feeling was from my fully torn track bottom. Goodbye comfy, hole-y panties! :S
6) My close friends say I am commitment phobic. Perhaps I am. I am working on it, a constant WIP.
7) I am a pervert…...There, I’ve said it.
8) A curious child à Or so I was called by a good friend. Well, curiousity killed the damn cat! I was so curious, I went to watch an orgy once. WATCH, people….WATCH!!! Enuff said. End of the story. lips sealed
9) Once, I told my cute neighbour it was my birthday (it really wasn’t!) and he went back and baked a cake for me immediately. Man, did I feel real bad. People take me too seriously most of the time. Must be my poker face.
10) I reversed my then-new car and hit my ex-neighbour’s car. Twice. It is not my fault. I can’t help it if my car’s ass is too high. Baddd Proton! I guess it’s good I moved out 6 months ago. Blink
11) You know the escalators with signs telling u to not stand too close to the side and stand within the yellow box? Well, they didn’t have that till recently. I remember walking in Sunway Pyramid with my cousin wearing my favourite long Laura Ashley skirt. Stretchable material. It got stuck. Panic all around while I kept holding on to my skirt (kudos to Laura Ashley, it just kept stretching!), some guy pressed on the emergency button to stop the escalator…. After like forever, I managed to tear the bottom of my skirt. There was nothing else I could do. Sniff.
12) I can’t draw to save my life. I realised it when I was 12. I represented my school for a drawing competition (I shall reluctantly state that my godmother was our school principal then), so there I was at Chung Hwa with my new set of crayons. Real proud. Drew one house, one tree and a couple who were too big for their house. I then looked around and saw almost life-like drawings from other participants. I realised then and there. Pictionary, anyone?
13) So I smoke. But I have set the date, May 15, to quit smoking. Till then, so long suckerssss!!!
14) DNR – Do not resusitate. That’s my choice, as I’d rather die than live on life support machines. Am also a registered organ donor.
15) “It is better to regret something you have done, rather than to regret something you have NOT done” --- It’s my fave motto. But it has gotten me into trouble a few times, as well. But hey, it was worth the experience. Err no?
16) I hate durians – HATE. Used to be able to take 1-2 pieces. Stayed with orang asli @ Negeri Sembilan and it was during durian season. :S We had durian rice, durian soup, durian..durian…durian. And the not-so-private toilet was at the base of the waterfall. I did not DO IT for 4 days. (for perverts, IT meant shit)
17) Got seriously sunburnt while holidaying in Bali. It was seriously painful – I was dark red and burning with water bubbles!! My lovely non-supportive friends (you know who you are!!) had a field. I was walking real slowly towards the departure lounge at Ngurah Rai Airport, they walked past me, talking loudly while looking pointedly at me: “Ohmygod. Look at her. So terrible la!”. Hence the ‘virginic layer of skin’ tag from Mursh too. Note to self : Need to find me a new set of nice friends. Hmphh!
18) I always have three sets of different shampoo/conditioner in my bathroom. Need the variety. Can’t be using the same one over and over and over again. Right? blush
19) I had the BEST-ever, almost orgasmic green mango juice and cheese baked mussels in the Philippines. I will never, ever get over it. I plan to go there again..
20) When I turned 18, I realised could finally buy 4D. Bought 2808 and got RM118. Woo hooo! The excitement! Haven’t won much since tho…hmm.
21) I drove into Singapore once without the damn pass for my car. The customs officer told me to drive straight and turn left to buy the pass (like a permit to drive into Singapore). I drove straight INTO Woodlands, Singapore. Did not see the damn office. Drove out 2 days later and got fucked. Wasn’t so funny then.
22) I cry watching commercials. Esp those festive ones from Petronas, TM, etc. I cry watching inspiring people do inspiring stuff. I cry watching Oprah Winfrey. I. Cry. Period.
23) When I was 5 or 6, I swore my uncle was Kenny Rogers! I was 3000% sure and thought Uncle Eric from UK was his undercover name. They so looked alike, ok? I confronted him and even then, I was like 5000% sure. Well, he isn’t. Damn.
24) Got dengue yearss ago. It was hell. Thought I was gonna die…panicked. My eldest sister (very drama) created a big fuss, cried in her office and her boss let her off work before lunch. She went straight home and SLEPT. Sigh. She MAY HAVE visited me later that night. I don’t remember.
25) I try to live life by the rules, but sometimes rules suck! Ugh.
Boy, am I glad I have finally reached No.25. Would still want to appear mysterious. Can’t reveal everything all at once la. Just the tip of the iceberg, I say! :D
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